the truth and healing
by princessaliciarosalie
Summary: au:natsuki still has her own apartment,and nao lives with mai instead of mikoto who is never mentioned.natsuki copes with her feelings as shizuru reveals and copes with a terrible past,along with a visit from her abusive sister. genre 2 is drama but it's not all serious. rated M for later chapters.ooc so i have freedom to stray off with my own ideas of how the characters would grow
1. Chapter 1

**i own nothing, disclaimer and all that. **

**ok this is my first published work, depending on how well this goes i might post more. i have 7 chapters of this story already written and i'm still working on it. so please read and review. also be kind about grammar and spelling, i do try my best but i do not have someone else to look it over. and i promise this story gets better than this chapter**

**oh and the chapters switch perspective. this is from natsuki's point of veiw**

"Natsuki, wake up", I could hear a faint voice trying to pull me from sleep, _that must be Mai, who else would be brave enough to try and wake me up?_ "Natsuki Kuga, get up!" she pestered, shaking me roughly. As much as I grumbled and tried to push her away she kept persisting.

With a final groan, I gave up all attempts at sleeping in. "Just because it's your couch doesn't mean you can force me awake any time you want" I huffed.

"Stop being so lazy," Mai nagged, "I swear, you're just as bad as Nao. It's practically noon"

"Only noon?" I practically groaned, sitting up and raking my fingers through my tangled hair. The red head gave me another shake, "ok ok, I'm up jeez" I lazily stretched out before sitting up, as Mai disappeared into the kitchen. I continued to comb my fingers through my hair, absent mindedly listening to Mai fumble about with pots and pans. I assumed she was beginning to prepare lunch for herself and Nao. _Honestly, I don't know why Mai would want a roommate in the first place, never mind someone like Nao, the girl could be such a pain. Thankfully the only person I'll ever have to share my space with is Shizuru_. I couldn't help but blush at the thought…

Just when my mind was beginning to drift off, Nao burst through the door. "Honey, I'm home!" she called making her way into the dorm. "Uhg, what's the mutt still doing here?" she turned her attention to me and gave me a dirty look. "I already have to see you at school, now you're invading my home life too?"

I dramatically sprawled myself across the couch with a small smirk, "aw but it's so comfy here. The only downfall is the insect problem, you see, there's this big ugly spider that haunts the place"

Nao narrowed her eyes at me before turning to Mai, "Mai, you know there's a 'no dogs' policy in the dorms" she frowned.

"Well if that wasn't the most original come back then I don't what is," I snorted.

"Yeah like yours was any better," I heard her grumble as she took her seat at the kitchen table.

"Can't you two play nice for once?" Mai finally intervened. "I made us a nice lunch and I'd like it if we could sit down for a meal, without the two of you bickering through the whole thing." She sighed, cleared already annoyed with the two of us and placed three bowls on the table.

Nao stuck her tongue out at me as I took my seat, "well if it means I get some of Mai's famous ramen then I guess I can try to be civil with the mutt". I simply rolled my eyes and began to squirt a large amount of mayo into the bowl Mai had placed in front of me. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with Nao so soon after waking up.

"So Mai," Nao loudly slurped at her noodles before continuing "have ya given any thought to Midori's offer?"

The perky red head gave the noodles a few idle prods before answering, "I haven't decided if it's a good idea or not" she gave the noodles another poke. "You remember what happened at the last party," she grimaced, _probably remembering when she had way too much to drink and ended up leaving Yuuichi a bunch of embarrassing voicemails. Luckily it had resulted in him confessing his undying love, finally, but Mai was still really embarrassed. _

"Whoa what party?" I felt myself perk up.

"Midori said that if I wanted, she would throw me a birthday party on Monday. She said it was perfect timing since school's going to be out all week and she was already planning on having some sort of get together," Mai continued to poke at her lunch as she explained, occasionally taking a few bites.

"Yeah and Mai's being a prude and won't take her up on the offer" Nao cut in, her cheeks full of ramen. "I don't see what the big deal is."

"Uhg Nao you know how easily things get out of hand at Midori's parties. You and Natsuki like to cause trouble" Mai shook her head. _She really does remind me of a mom. She's so busy trying to take care of everyone; I think she forgets that she's a teenager too._

"Hah we do not, trouble just seems to find us" I chuckled, placing my now empty bowl in the sink.

By this point Nao was almost in tears from laughing so hard. "Remember the first time we got Mai drunk and she threw up all over herself?" she managed through laughs. Mai's cheeks immediately flushed as she scowled at the two of us.

"Oh yeah," I exclaimed. "That was awesome! You were such a light weight Mai."

"Yes, and it is lovely memories like that, that make me think a party is a terrible idea," Mai crossed her arms in her usual know-it-all way.

"Aw come on Mai. We'll be good, I promise. You deserve a birthday party and it'll be a lot of fun, please?" Nao begged. She was giving Mai her best pout and I knew it was only a matter of time before the other girl caved.

"Fine, Monday at eight it is" she said at last, rolling her eyes. "But you two better not do anything too crazy"

Nao nearly jumped out of her seat with excitement, beginning to ramble on about all the things we could do. Mai tried her best to calm the other red head down but it was already too late.

I took the chaos as an opportunity to sneak away and call Shizuru. I slipped out the door as quietly as I could, with Shizuru's number already dialed, and hit send. As soon as I heard the dial tone my heart began to race.

"Ah so my Natsuki is finally awake" the familiar accent giggled through the phone.

"Hah yeah, Mai woke me up a little while ago and made me lunch". Just her voice was enough to make me blush.

"Well that was nice of her, I hope you didn't drown whatever it was with mayo" I could almost hear the grimace in Shizuru's voice. She thinks my mayonnaise addiction is the grossest thing. Not that she's one to talk, the girl drinks tea like they're going to stop making the stuff.

"You know me too well," I laughed. "I have to have my mayo"

"Yes, I know how fond my Natsuki is of the disgusting stuff" Shizuru chuckled. "I'm glad you called though, I wanted to ask you something before my next class"

"Ok, what is it?" I kicked my foot idly against the floor. I always feel awkward on the phone, I'd much rather talk to Shizuru in person.

"My parents left for a business trip this morning, and I was wondering if Natsuki wouldn't mind keeping me company. They won't be back for at least a week and I would hate to be in that big empty house all by myself" Shizuru's voice held that familiar flirty tone that made me blush.

"Of course I'll stay over with you then. Who else is going to protect you? Young ladies really shouldn't be left all alone." I laughed sarcastically, kicking the wall again.

"Well if Natsuki is protecting me, who will protect me from Natsuki?" she giggled as my stomach filled with butterflies.

"Hm, if anything I need protecting from you" I wished she could see me sticking my tongue out at her.

"If Natsuki really minded the she wouldn't have agreed to stay over." Shizuru chuckled again, and with that the phone click and she had hung up. She was right, I sighed leaning against the door. I didn't mind when Shizuru teased me, I kind of even liked it. I kicked my foot again frustrated by the blush that had colored over my cheeks. _Damn that woman. _I sighed again before deciding to head back inside, after my blush faded of course.


	2. Chapter 2

**i figured that chapter one was a bit too short to really get the a feel for the story, not that this chapter helps too much. damn exposition. anyway yeah, here's chapter two. friendly reminder: shizuru's point of veiw **

I subconsciously drummed my fingers on the desk; _this has to be the longest class I have ever sat through._ I couldn't focus on a word my professor spoke; I wanted to get home to my Natsuki. My impatient eyes kept flashing to the clock as the torturous seconds slipped by. _I have never been so bored in my life... How am I supposed to concentrate on this lecture when as soon as I get home I get to start a week alone with Natsuki? _I let out an audible sigh when the professor finally dismissed the class.

"Fujino, are you really so pence as to not take a single note from the lecture?" Haruka bellowed as she made her way to my desk.

"I don't suppose you mean dense?" I chuckled softly, "I was a bit too distracted to take notes" I closed the notebook on the empty page and began to collect my things. "I hope I can find someone who will let me copy theirs"

As if on cue, Yukino sprouted up behind Haruka. "If you need notes to copy you can use mine" she offered timidly.

"Yukino! If Shizuru's cactusness caused her to be ill prepared then that's her problem" the blonde squawked. _She's such an animated girl._

"Callousness Haruka, you mean callousness," the smaller girl corrected.

This only seemed to further set her off. "I know what I said" she fumed. "Fujino it's your own responsibility to be prepared for the class. I can't even believe I consider you to be a worthy rival…"

I was only half listening to Haruka's argument when my phone went off with a small ping. My heart nearly skipped a beat when a saw the name on my phone; o_ne new message from Natsuki._

**_Didn't have anything better to do so I broke into your house. Eating all your mayo, see you when you get out of class xx_**

_As if I really minded that, the only reason I bought the stuff was for Natsuki anyway._

"Fujino, are you even listening?" Haruka's yelling brought me back into the moment.

"My apologies, I was simply noticing the time, I should really be going. I'm expecting company," I explained politely. Yukino gave me a knowing smile before dragging Haruka away. _The two of them are quite a funny pair;_ I chuckled to myself, making my way to my car.

Igniting the engine to life, I began to let my thoughts drift off to my Natsuki. There was something adorable about the way she would just break into my house when I would take too long coming home. It was a rather strange habit but I didn't mind, I understood how impatient the girl could be. I could just picture it, Natsuki sitting on my couch, a half empty jar of mayo close in hand. It was such a nice thought; _My little puppy, impatiently waiting by the door._

When I pushed open the door, Natsuki was just as I predicted, sitting on the couch, sucking mayonnaise off of her finger and watching cartoons. "You could at least use a spoon" I chuckled, hanging up my coat and place my things on the coffee table.

"It doesn't taste the same" she shrugged, setting the jar down and wiping her hand on a napkin. _What a gross statement._ "You took forever to get here, I was so bored."

"My poor puppy, waiting so long for me to get home" I smiled giving the bluenette a pat on the head. "But I did warn you it was a long class"

She folded her arms with a pout and turned her head away. "Yeah yeah," she grumbled, clearly unamused.

"Is my Natsuki cranky today?" I couldn't help but laugh, Natsuki was just being too cute. "Did you get enough sleep at Mai's?"

"Not really, we spent half the night working on that project for history, but still didn't get much done. Mai was more interested in talking about that boyfriend of hers," she yawned, lazily stretching out. "Then she decided that she would wake me up bright and early this morning." I smiled remembering Natsuki's idea of early is anything before noon. "How was class?" she asked turning towards me with a genuine curiosity.

"Boring," I sighed, "very boring. I couldn't really focus"

"How come?" the bluenette asked simply, beginning to twiddle her thumbs, "I thought you liked your English class?"

"Oh I do," I explained with a smirk "but the thought of coming home to a beautiful woman would be distracting to anyone."Natsuki's cheeks lit up with crimson, as I leaned in close to whisper against her ear, "You know, I missed my Natsuki very much today." The blush on her cheeks deepened a few shades.

"Well um… we just had lunch together yesterday.." she stuttered, ever so cutely.

"That does not change the fact that I have missed you. Is Natsuki saying she did not miss me?" I pulled away and gave her my best "hurt feelings" expression.

"No, it's not that" she furrowed her brow in frustration. "It's just… I…" she groaned and ran a hand through her hair.

"I understand, my Natsuki didn't miss me, not even a little," I sniffled, hiding my face from her.

"Shizuru!" the bluenette whined. I heard her grumble a few more times to herself before she finally mumbled, "of course I missed you."

"Well that's good" I giggled, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose. She rolled her eyes before they met mine again. Natsuki's emerald eyes captivated my attention, refusing to release me, and the cobalt haired beauty turned red under the extended eye contact. These are the hardest moments, _Do I kiss her or not? _ I discreetly chewed the inside of my lip waiting for some sort of subtle sign and after a few torturous seconds, Natsuki eventually gave me the silent cue. She bit her lip and looked down, her cheeks flushed. I placed my hand on the side of her face and finally closed the thick tension between us. Her name escaped my mouth in a dull whisper just before our lips met. I could feel the desire welling up inside me, _Self-control is torture. _I sucked her bottom lip in and held it between mine, giving it a playful nip. She sighed against my lips and I hungrily devoured it hoping for more. Her arms snaked their way around me and held us close together. Our lips danced against one another's and my desires coursed through my veins with a dull ache.

Natsuki suddenly pulled back and I had to stifle a disappointed groan. "I told you I missed you," she smirked. I simply smiled as she readjusted the two of us so she could rest her head on my shoulder.

"Well I'm glad that my Natsuki has missed me," I placed my lips against the cobalt strands of her hair, "even if she does taste like disgusting mayonnaise." Her face lit up with that same familiar blush and she grumbled a little to herself. I could tell she was already becoming immersed in whatever show she had been watching when I came home. I sighed, giving the girls hair another small kiss; that was ok though, I was perfectly content spending the rest of my night right here, cuddling with my Natsuki.


	3. Chapter 3

**so here's chapter three, it's pretty fluffish. i'm going to try to get up chapter four some time over the weekend. so yeah, read and review please 3**

**also i really didn't know whether to refer to shizuru as a blonde or a brunette because i've seen both and she's like awkwardly between so yeah i went with blonde.**

natsuki's perspective.

_Uhg, I'm sick of waking up on the damn floor. _I rolled over and pressed my face against the cool wood of the floor. _I can't believe how early I fell asleep last night. _I stood up slowly and groaned at the stiffness in my bones. I glanced over at the bed I had rolled off from to notice Shizuru was missing from it. I stretched out and peeked over at the clock. _9:42am, Sunday or not, Shizuru was always an early raiser. _"zuru?" I called, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"In the kitchen Natsuki" she answered back.

I lazily stumbled through the house, to the kitchen, and leaned against the door frame. Shizuru had her back to me, and I gladly took the opportunity to admire her. Her chestnut locks were still tussled and her night shirt was creased with wrinkles. She hummed quietly to herself, carefully standing up on the tips of her toes to reach her favorite cup from the top shelf. There was something about the way that Shizuru looked in the morning that just made my heart feel full. I smiled to myself as I took the steps needed to close the distance between us. I wrapped my arms around the girl and nuzzled my noes against the crock of her neck, "Good morning" I greeted softly.

Shizuru twisted herself around in my arms and gave me the most flawless smile, "well good morning sleepy head. Did you just roll out of bed?" she giggled.

"Literally" I grumbled, subconsciously rubbing the back of my head. "I fell out of bed again. And who are you callin' a sleepy head? It's not even noon yet and I'm up" I stuck my tongue out before taking a seat and slumping over the table.

"Natsuki should really keep the tongue in her mouth unless she plans on using it" Shizuru stated casually, taking her seat beside me.

My cheeks immediately lit up with the first blush of the day. "Shizuru!" I squeaked.

"Hm?" she asked innocently, taking a sip of her tea and not even looking up.

_It's too early for this, _I folded my arms across my chest in frustration. "So anyway…" I sighed changing the subject, "How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty well, though I always sleep better when I'm sleeping with Natsuki," the blonde chuckled softly as my not yet faded blush darkened a few shades. "Aside from waking up on the floor, how did my Natsuki sleep?"

I traced a few circles on the table with my finger, "not bad, I'm still kinda tired." I yawned as my finger made another lazy loop.

"So why didn't you go back to sleep? It is pretty early for you to be up." Shizuru took another sip of her tea as she waited for my answer.

"Oh, well um" I stuttered, "well when I woke up…" I could feel my cheeks coloring over "you weren't there so yeah." I pushed my fingers together awkwardly and stared down at the table. I could feel the blush on my face deepen with each second it took for Shizuru to respond.

"You know," she said at last, "Natsuki can be very cute sometimes." she reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. The tips of her fingers lingered against my cheek and brushed against my lips.

"I'm not cute" I pouted, crossing my arms and giving the girl a scowl.

"Actually," Shizuru stood up to put her cup in the sink, "Natsuki is very cute" she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh you know what, that reminds me, I forgot to tell you something" I smirked as Shizuru sat back down and tilted her head curiously. "You're beautiful." I announced satisfied at the surprised look on the girl's face.

I had successfully caught her off guard and she blushed before giving me a bright smile. "My my, Natsuki is so affection this morning," she sighed as she rested her head in her hand. "Yet I still haven't even gotten a good morning kiss," she raised her brow expectantly and I could see a smirk playing at the corners of her lips.

"Hah, my apologies" I laughed, half sarcastically, "you can have a kiss". I leaned in close as if I were going to kiss her and instead gave the girl a long lick against her cheek.

"Uhg! I hate when you do that" she groaned, wiping the spit from her face with the back of her hand.

I burst out into laughter, not being able to contain it any long. "But I thought you loved my puppy kisses?" I teased.

Shizuru rolled her eyes; "while it's true that I love any kisses Natsuki gives to me, there are some kisses I prefer to others" she shook her head with a half amused smile.

"Ok ok, I'm sorry. I'll give you a real kiss" I giggled, my laughter finally dyeing down. Shizuru might not have thought that that was very funny but I found myself to be quite hilarious. I once again leaned in and this time I placed a quick peck on Shizuru's lips.

"Hm... I still don't think that's good enough" she pouted, folding her arms and letting out a sigh.

"Jeez, so demanding today." I chuckled. I inched my chair a bit closer before placing my hand on the side of the girls face. I took a deep breath before closing my eyes and once again pressing my lips to hers, this time for much longer. "Better?" I asked when I had pulled away.

"Much," she sighed contently. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Sometimes Shizuru was so easy to please,_ just that simple kiss probably made her day_... and suddenly something about that thought made me feel very guilty.

**sorry this doesn't move the plot along much, and that it's super short. i've thought about deleting this a few times but i wanted a few chapters so you could really get into shizuru and natsuki's heads about what's going on.**


	4. Chapter 4

**wow already up to chapter four. never thought i would be posting this much. just goes to show what a few encouraging words can do.**

**anyway, last fluff chapter to finish off a lazy sunday before mai's birthday party and much more to come. also the chapters start getting longer from here so i hope that's a good thing**

**shizuru's perspective **

The light from my laptop was beginning to give me a migraine as I stared intently at the screen. A half hour had passed and I had yet to type a single word. _This term paper is brutal. _I placed my fingers over the keys and pulled them away again with a suppressed sigh. The mocking flash of the cursor was slowly bringing me over the edge of insanity. I allowed myself a discreet peek over at Natsuki, figuring the distraction would keep me from throwing my laptop out the window, which at this point I was honestly considering. The bluenette was chewing on the end of her pencil with a frustrated expression. _How adorable. _I couldn't help but smile as her face lit up with a sudden realization of how to solve the problem before her. Natsuki hunched over and quickly scribbled the answers down onto the page. She looked up at me with an accomplished smile, followed by a blush upon realizing she already had my attention._I doubt I'll ever get used to seeing that blush._

"So, I finally finished my math homework... Do you mind checking it over?" she asked awkwardly.

I couldn't help but smile at yet another one of her cute expressions. "Of course Natsuki, it'll be nice to take a break from my paper" _this stupid paper, _I internally groaned, I was grateful to have a legitimate reason to take a break. She slid over her homework and I began to skim over it.

"How's your paper coming along?" Natsuki asked, inching her chair over.

"To be honest, I haven't really gotten anything done" I laughed, a little embarrassed. "I'm not even sure how to begin"

"Shizuru at a loss for words? That's a new one," Natsuki burst into a fit of laughter.

"I could very well blame Natsuki for that, she does have a way of leaving me speechless" I smiled, admittedly a little smugly, as the younger girl turned bright red.

Natsuki grumbled quietly to herself and attempted her best scowl, "Yeah yeah, just finish correcting"

"Well actually it looks like you've gotten every answer right," I explained, setting down my pen.

"What? That's awesome I never do well in math," Natsuki exclaimed, snatching the paper off the table and jumping up with excitement. "Ow..." as quickly as she jumped up, she sat back down, and placed her hand against the small of her back. "Stupid floor" the girl grumbled, setting her paper down and running her hands along her lower back.

"Natsuki, are you ok?" I tilted my head concerned; I hated seeing my Natsuki in pain.

"Mm," she groaned slumping over. "My back hurts. I guess from falling on the floor this morning." Her full lips jutted out into the cutest little pout.

"I'd be happy to give Natsuki a back rub" I tried my best not to smirk _that was really a win-win for the both of us_. _Maybe Natsuki is right, I am a pervert. _It took the best of me not to giggle at my own thoughts while she pondered the offer.

"Ya sure? I know I'm really knotted up so once you start I'm not going to want you to stop" Natsuki laughed a little, beginning to doodle on the scrap paper she had used earlier.

"Oh really? Natsuki says that once I start she won't want me to stop ay? That's very interesting," I winked at the bluenette to further hint at my suggestive remark "though I suppose I already knew that." The girl's entire face lit up with crimson as I paused, letting my remark sink it. "My my, I wonder what Natsuki could possibly be thinking about." I teased.

Natsuki's blush deepened as she crossed her arms defiantly. "You're such a pervert Shizuru" she puffed.

"Me? a pervert? Natsuki is the one twisting my words around into perverse things" I smiled innocently as she narrowed her eyes at me. "Now if I recall correctly, I owe Natsuki a back rub."

I slowly started to smooth circles along Natsuki's shoulders with my thumbs as she breathed out a content sigh. "You know, this would probably feel a lot better if Natsuki took her shirt off," I whispered against her ear.

Her entire face went crimson before she sat up a bit to shrug her tee-shirt off. Then she slammed back into the bed before I could even get a chance to peek. _She knows me much too well. _I swung my leg over to the other side of the girl and seated myself on top of her butt. After that I slowly slid my hands up Natsuki's back and to her shoulders, making sure my fingertips barely touched her skin. A trail of goose bumps appear and Natsuki squirmed beneath my touch. _So cute, _I chuckled quietly to myself before resuming my work on the knots in Natsuki's shoulders.

"What's so funny?" she pouted.

"Oh it's nothing;" I explained innocently, "Natsuki is just being cute again." I wished I could see the blush that was sure to be coloring the bluenette's cheeks, but she pushed her face into the pillow while grumbling to herself.

My hands began to explore the creamy white skin in search of a knot, _such a cruel torture. _I groaned internally. Then, _bingo, _I hit a ball of tense muscle and began to sooth it out. As soon as I applied a bit of pressure, Natsuki let out a soft moan before stuffing her face deeper into the pillow.

"So cute!" I nearly squealed. "I guess nat-su-ki like's it when I touch **here**" I couldn't help but smirk when I once again applied pressure and she once again let out another moan.

"Shizuru!" she pouted, turning slightly to face me. Her cheeks were still tinged pink and she just looked so beautiful.

"What?" I smiled innocently.

"You know what" the flustered girl began chewing on her bottom lip.

"If Natsuki wants, I'll stop" I raised an eyebrow challengingly.

"No," she answered quickly. The bluenette blushed before trying to look annoyed. "It's just," she pressed her lips together, becoming frustrated with herself, "I like when you do that." Her entire face down to the tips of her shoulders flushed a deep red.

"Is nat-su-ki embarrassed by the cute little sounds she makes?" I cooed, smoothing circles into her back. Her striking green eyes nearly rolled back as she lowered her head back to the pillow with a small sigh. "I personally like them a lot" I whispered into the girl's ear seductively. I gently placed my lips to the silky skin of her neck before pulling away.

"Shi-Shizuru," her tone was a mixture of protest and a purr.

_Natsuki do you even realize that you're driving me crazy? _Of course she didn't though. Natsuki had a tendency to be oblivious to these types of things.

I continued to rub Natsuki's back, gingerly working out each knot, my heart nearly skipping a beat each time she would let out a moan or a sigh. "you can stop now if you want," she said quietly. I let my hands rest on the bluenette's hips as she turned her head to face me.

Her face was a little flushed and I smiled back at her bashful expression, "I don't mind, I just like making Natsuki feel good" I smirked at the quickly reddening girl, before placing a light kiss between her shoulder blades.

"It feels really good actually," Natsuki mumbled shyly into the pillow before reaching behind her back and gesturing for me to lie beside her. "But I'm not tense anymore." I rolled myself off of the girl and began running my fingers through her long raven hair. "Oh and Shizuru…" our eyes locked and I could see a spark in the pools of emerald before she placed a soft kiss on my lips, "thanks" she blushed.

My heart was nearly still with the way that Natsuki had caught me off guard, and just like so many times before, I felt speechless. It's not often that Natsuki kisses me rather than me kissing her, especially without my asking. My stomach twisted in knots and I almost blushed.

"You'd think it was our first kiss or something by the look on your face" the bluenette teased with a smirk. This really did make me blush. Honestly it always had such a big impact on me when Natsuki kissed me.

"hm, does Natsuki really think she is in a position to be teasing?" I challenged, regaining my composer.

"Yes actually I do," the temptress began tracing my collar bone with her fingers. _That just isn't playing fair._ "you're clearly becoming… frustrated" Natsuki's voice deepened with seduction as she brought her lips to my ear, "Shi-zu-ru"

Natsuki was playing a very dangerous game, but luckily, I had an advantage. "But you would be frustrated too if I were nearly topless," a smirk painted over my lips as I waiting for the girl to realize what I had said.

"Shizuru!" she squealed, arms flying over her chest, blocking my view of her lacy navy blue bra.

I couldn't stifle the small laugh that had built up in my throat any longer and when I finally let out a chuckled Natsuki scowled at me. "I'm sorry nat-su-ki" I cooed. "If it makes you feel any better, you had almost won"

"Uhg that makes it worse" she groaned, grabbing her shirt and pulling it over her head. Her forehead wrinkled as she began to pout, "You always win."

"My poor puppy" I gave the girl a mock sympathetic look. Natsuki played my game a lot better than she knew.

"Your sympathy is just heartwarming" she grumbled sarcastically.

I chuckled again, placing a kiss on the bluenette's forehead. She scowled back at me so I pulled her onto my lap. "My poor puppy" I repeated, this time barely a whisper. I placed my lips against the hallow of her neck and she stiffened slightly. I placed another light kiss a little higher, and then another. Finally I reached her ear and pulled her earlobe into my mouth giving it a little nip.

"Didn't I already say you won?" she sighed, squirming a little in my lap.

"Ah just practicing for round two" I blew into the girls ear causing her to shudder.

She cleared her throat, probably collecting her thoughts, "yeah and you'll probably win then too. Oh but on an unrelated note, I completely forgot to tell you about the party..." I couldn't help but smile at her obvious attempt to change the subject.

"Hm?" I tilted my head to the side, "what party?" I asked, placing my arm over the bluenette's legs, hoping to keep her on my lap.

Natsuki looked down at my arm and smiled. _She sees right thought me. _She draped her arms over my shoulders before explaining, "Well since Mai's birthday is coming, Midori said we can have a party at her house. This time you have to come with me! You missed Nao's and her party was awesome, I'm not letting you miss Mai's too"

I smiled; recalling Natsuki's excitement when she had told me about how Nao's party had went. It seemed Midori and Nao were quite good at hosting these types of events. "Well of course if natsuki wants me to attend than I will. I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun. When is it?"

Natsuki looked down turning a little red; "tomorrow…" she answered sheepishly "at eight... I meant to tell you yesterday but I forgot"

"It's ok" I chuckled, "I just wish I didn't have a class Tuesday morning"

"Oh…" the disappointment was clear in her voice. "Well you don't have to go… I mean, if you have class." Natsuki's hands dropped to her lap and she played with her fingers.

"Natsuki is being cute again, but she can stop pouting now. I didn't say I wasn't going to go, I'll just have to leave a bit early," I explained.

"Ok" she looked back up with a beaming smile. "I'm honestly really excited; it's been forever since I've been to a good party. Hah and if Midori still makes drinks the same, I might even dance" she laughed.

"Does that mean that Natsuki would be so kind as to honor me with a dance?" Natsuki flushed at my request, "is that a yes?" I teased.

"Well, I'll think about it… if you're good then maybe." She replied with a cocky smile.

"But I'm always good" I began to pout as she gave me a look. "Please Nat-su-ki?" The brunette turned a bit pink. "I'll take that as a yes" I smirked.


	5. Chapter 5

**i hope everyone is having a lovely weekend. lots of things starting up in this chapter.**  
**oh and for anyone else who might be wondering, unfortunately, shizuru's older sister, who i've decided to name crystal (idk why it's just always stuck in my head) won't be making her appearance until chapter 8. but naturally she had to appear at the worst possible time so i had to wait to add her in until things were really getting going.**

**also there is a lot more inner-monologue in this chapter so idk how you guys/gals will feel about that**

**natsuki's perspective **

_Hm what to wear… blue… or grey? _I eyed the two shirts lying on my bed. _I don't know why I opted for getting ready at my own place. It would be so much easier just to have Shizuru pick out something for me. _I looked over at the grey single strap shirt, and then back to the navy blue V-neck... _which one? _I sighed, again looking back and forth between the two articles of clothing. _Grey, _I decided at last. _At least it matches, _I sighed again. I looked down at my one pair of jeans that didn't have a rip and what I call my "good" sneakers, _hey I tried, _I laughed. I've never really been good with fashion, this was about as put together as I could get without Shizuru's help. Besides, it's not like I was one of those girls who wears make up and does their hair. I guess part of me was a little annoyed at my inability to get dressed up, _why can't people just wear jeans for everything and call it a day?_ I ran my fingers through my hair, staring blankly at my own reflection for a few moments; before sighing a third time and flopping down onto my bed. I really wished I had just stayed with Shizuru and gotten ready with her, but I forgot to pack clothes in my rush to see her again yesterday. I rolled over onto my stomach and went to check the time on my phone.

**_One new message: From: Zuru._**

I blushed at the name on my screen, I wondered idly if Shizuru knew that her contact name in my phone was my little nick name for her or not. I know she hates being called it but I kind of like it. _And if she gets to call me a puppy than I get to call her Zuru, _I chuckled to myself.

**_I'm running a bit late… for the life of me I can't find a thing to wear. _**

I couldn't help but laugh that Shizuru was having a problem similar to my own, though her's seemed kind of silly to me; Shizuru looks amazing in anything. The woman could probably show up to this party in a paper bag and still everyone would have their eyes on her. A part of me really didn't like how much attention Shizuru got. _I guess I'm a little jealous, _I sighed, a little annoyed with myself. I really had no right to be jealous, Shizuru wasn't mine…I held no claim to her.

Just when I was becoming truly upset with myself, my phone went off with a buzz.

**_One new message: from: Mai_**

**_I left some jewelry on your dresser so you could at least pretend to be a real girl ;)_**

I rolled my eyes at my phone before carelessly tossing it aside. When I stood up to look in the box Mai had left for me I couldn't help but realize I was really leaving a mark on that girl. Sleeping in the other day, blowing off school assignments to gossip, and now she's breaking into her friends' apartments? Sometimes I think that I might be a bad influence on Mai. Well between me and Nao, I suppose I'd be the lesser of two evils. Come to think of it though, I think I was even the one who got Mai to have her first drink. I really was a bad influence. I smiled, amused by my own thoughts as I opened the box. Mai had picked out a few pieces that she knew would match some of the clothes I owned; she really was a good friend. After a few minutes of digging, I found a large, grey, plastic bracelet and threw it on. _Well what do you know, _I laughed to myself, _it really brings the whole thing together. _

Once again I was ready to go and bored; I knew I had started getting ready too early. I couldn't help it though; I was use to my routine. I would always get dressed early so I could watch Shizuru get ready. I don't know why, but I've always liked watching Shizuru do simple things, she'd sometimes teases me and says I'm acting like a little duckling, following her around, but I don't mind. I paced through my apartment becoming more immersed in my own thoughts. I liked watching the way she carefully painted on her makeup and the faces she made in the mirror. She was very particular in her way of getting ready; everything had to be just perfect; I guess I found that to be interesting. I slumped down onto my couch and glanced over at the front door. As much as I don't like being called a puppy, it's a pretty accurate description. I found myself waiting by the door waiting for Shizuru just like always and again I became annoyed with myself.

The sound of a soft tapping at the door pulled me out of the web of thoughts I had become tangled in. I stood up with a yawn and went to open the door. I flung it open and turned to grab a sweatshirt off of the coat hooks.

"After I put so much effort into getting ready, Natsuki doesn't even give me a second look?" the familiar accent drew me back instantly. My cheeks were immediately set blaze when I spun back around and set my gaze upon her beauty.

"Sorry," my cheeks were on fire. Shizuru was wearing a form fitting black dress that barely reached midway down her thighs. I felt a lump in my throat as my eyes made their way up and down the girl's body. The collar of the dress was low and wide, exposing her chest and shoulders before starting long sleeves. My mouth went dry and I felt unable to form a completely thought as I opened my mouth to speak before closing it again. "You look nice," I mumbled shyly, turning an impossible shade of red.

A smirk played at the edge of her lips, "Natsuki looks pretty good herself," she chuckled, tucking the hair I had been hiding behind, behind my ear.

I don't know why I feel so shy suddenly. I've known Shizuru for years yet sometimes she'd make me so nervous. I bit down on my lip, this extended silence wasn't helping. Then I realized that it had been my turn to say something and I had been just standing there like an idiot. "Um yeah thanks" I replied awkwardly, shuffling my feet. _Smooth_...I scolded myself inwardly. _I don't know what's wrong with me today… why am I so nervous?_

"I believe we should get going now," I could barely hear Shizuru's suggestion, becoming lost in my own thoughts yet again.

I simply nodded as I followed her lead out the door.

"Always a bit late aye Natsuki?" Midori yelled over the music. Though it was still pretty early, Midori's cheeks were already flushed with what I affectionately called her buzzed glow. "But hey you look pretty damn sexy tonight if you don't mind me saying so," she snorted.

""hah I was right, you are already drunk" I laughed, giving the girl a playful shove.

"At least I'm old enough to actually be drinking!" she teased, giving my cheek a pinch. _Yup_, _definitely already drunk._ "Oh and don't think I didn't notice you too Shizuru. I'm surprised Natsuki isn't suffering from a nose bleed." The red head shot me a cat like smile before I gave her another shove. _Why are all my friends such idiots? _I could feel myself scowling.

"Well thank you Midori," Shizuru chuckled, "that's very kind of you." She was clearly amused by the whole scene.

Midori gave us a sloppy childlike smile. "Oh yeah, you guys still have to meet my new friend. She's being my bar tender for the night," she motioned for us to follow as she started making her way through the crowd.

I felt a small squeezing against my hand and looked down to find that Shizuru had laced her fingers with mine. I looked up and she gave me what I could have sworn was a nervous smile. When we reached the make shift bar Shizuru resumed her place a few inches behind me, with a firm grip on my hand. The usual confident, center of attention Shizuru, was almost hiding behind me. It was really out of character and I had to remember to ask her about it later.

"Guys, this is May Everbloom, cute ain't she?" Midori leaned against the "bar top", almost losing her balance, "May, this is Natsuki Kuga, and Shizuru Fujino," Midori introduced. "Set 'em up my signature drink m'kay? I'm gunna go try to find Mai," and with that she disappeared into the crowd.

I turned my attention back to May, she looked pretty young but I vaguely recalled Midori telling me they use to work together. She had bubble gum pink hair and crystal blue eyes, both of which made the girl look even younger. "Well it's nice to meet the both of you," she giggled, placing two pink drinks on the counter. "These are what Midori calls a third floor. It's basically a riff on a hard pink lemon aid. Careful though, they really pack a punch." She laughed heartily, before turning her attention to another group of teenagers.

"Why do you think it's called a third floor?" I asked, laughing a little and swirling the drink around in it's cup.

"Three and you'll be on the floor," May yell back in my direction.

Shizuru and I both started to giggle as we sat down at the stools that had been places in front of the counter. She timidly picked up the drink and took a small sip. I couldn't help but giggle a little as she scrunched up her nose. "Strong?" I asked, still giggling.

"Yeah," she answered quietly, placing the cup back down.

"You're being awfully quiet tonight, what's wrong?" our hands we still laced together and I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb gingerly.

"To be honest I've really never been to a party before" she answered sheepishly, taking another sip of her drink.

"Really?" I was genuinely surprised, "I would have thought you would have been invited to plenty of parties"

"I've been invited..." Shizuru shrugged, "I've just never gone. There certainly are a lot of people here"

"Midori likes to go overboard, probably invited everyone she knows" I hiccupped a little as I took the last sip of my drink. "You know you didn't have to come if you didn't want to." I stared down into my empty cup awkwardly.

"Natsuki can be so paranoid. She should know by now that if I didn't want to do something, I wouldn't" a small amused smile played at the edge of her lips. "I believe this would be the third time you've told me that I didn't have to come, maybe you're just trying to get rid of me".

"Never that" I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair as my face lit up with crimson.

"Figures you'd be at the bar" Mai laughed, coming up behind me.

"Hah you act like I'm some sort of lush," I snorted. Shizuru and I turned to face Mai, who was nearly bouncing where she stood holding tight to yuuchi's hand. "I see the boyfriend came." Mai giggled, covering her mouth with her hands, and it took me a moment to figure out what she thought was so funny. "Oh you're gross!" I gave the red head a little slap on the arm, clearly she had been drinking away just like Midori. "Happy birthday pervert"

"pfft you're just mad cause you're probably not going to be getting any tonight… though I bet you have a few offers," a smirk played at Mai's lips as her eyes flickered over to Shizuru.

"Ah what is it with everyone? You're all a bunch of drunk perverts!" I felt a frustrated blush cover my cheeks as I scowled at my still empty cup. _I need a beer if I'm going to be putting up with this all night._

"I don't know, personally I'm pretty interested in hearing about Natsuki's other suitors," Shizuru teased, finally becoming comfortable in the new environment.

"Yeah yeah, I'm such an interesting person, now can we do something that's not talking about my sex life?" I growled, reaching over the bar top for a beer.

"Fine," Mai stuck her tongue out, "you're lucky I have a lot more dancing to do, and unfortunately a lot more people to say hi to. I swear Midori must have invited everyone that would listen." She shook her head and dragged her boyfriend back through the crowd.

I laughed a little to myself; it was kind of funny that Mai had made the same comment about the crowd as I had earlier. I took a swig of beer before turning my attention back to Shizuru, "jeez that girl may wasn't kidding about those drinks packing a punch. My tolerance is pretty high and I still already have a buzz"

She looked down at the half full drink in her hand, "yeah I know what you mean, I'm not much of a drinker it seems" she laughed sheepishly, "I'm starting to become worried that I might not be much fun".

"Hah don't worry," I chuckled back, taking hold of Shizuru's hand, "come on, we should dance too, it'll be fun" she flashed me a sloppy smile and nodded.

Things were starting to get a little fuzzy, but I honestly I didn't care; I was having a great time. There was something just indescribably perfect about the way Shizuru's and my drunken bodies clashed against each other. Our lips would clumsily meet in between silly smiles, giggles, and teases. I felt as though at any moment I was going to burst into flames; and with every touch, electricity raced through my veins. The more our bodies tangled together, the louder my heart thudded in my ears. I couldn't wrap my brain around how one person could have such an effect on me… but that's just how it is with Shizuru.

"Natsuki is a very excellent dancer" her voice was suddenly at my ear. I felt my breath hitch in my throat; I guess I had become a little lost in my feelings.

I shrugged my shoulders casually as my face flushed. "I'm alright," I slurred.

"Someone's a little drunk" she laughed.

"Hah I'm admit to being a bit buzzed" Shizuru's finger tips played idly with the hem of my shirt and I felt my thoughts beginning to get fuzzy again. "I think you're a little more intoxicating that the liquor." I bit my lip embarrassed that I had admitted that. "I mean, if I'm being honest"

"Interesting," she nodded simply, before wrapping her fingers around my belt loops and roughly pulling me closer. I once again felt my breath hitch in my throat as a familiar warm settled between my legs. This is just how it is with Shizuru, if not just a little intensified as a result of drinking.

"Aw do you really have to go already?" I nearly whined, tugging at Shizuru's sleeve.

"I know, I'm sorry" she sympathized, "you know I have class tomorrow" she placed a kiss on my forehead as my pout deepened. "I'm sure you'll still have fun without me. Now come on, you should go back inside."

I suddenly felt the urge to stomp my foot. "Okay..." I sighed at last. Shizuru tried her best to hide a smile; she was clearly amused by my childlike behavior. "Don't laugh!" I whined again.

"I'm not laughing, it's like I keep telling you, sometimes you are very cute" the blonde smiled and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "I'll see you tomorrow, now go have fun"

_Zuru was wrong, I am not having very much fun by myself at all. _I sighed to myself as I set my newest drink on the bar top, _I don't even know why I agreed to sleepover. Midori is probably already passed out, Mai's going to be with Yuuich, and Nao will probably be hooking up too. _May popped back up in front of me with a grin, "How that one taste?" she asked, gesturing towards my latest drink.

"Pretty damn good" I slurred, "I hope Midori's paying you for this."

The pink haired girl crinkled her nose and laughed "well thanks, but I think you're the only one who's had enough to appreciate my bartending skills. Bunch of lightweights…" she shook her head and went to serve another girl.

Another set of spins had just finished washing over me as a familiar voice came up beside me. "Hey mutt, how's it going?" Nao asked, sitting beside me and cracking open a beer.

"Guess I can't complain, just been bored since Shizuru had to leave," I sighed and Nao rolled her eyes in response. "What?"

"Nothing" she groaned, "you're just annoying."

"What? How am I annoying?" I felt oddly offended.

"I just don't like the way you lead her on" she scoffed.

"What are you even talking about?!" I crossed my arms, _what did Nao know anyway?_

"Are you seriously? You really are an idiot. You can't just keep acting like she's your girlfriend if you're going to keep saying she's not." Nao crossed her arms back at me, "and quit scowling, I'm not intimidated. Honestly I feel bad for Shizuru; you send the worse mixed messages. You know how many times I overheard people saying what a cute couple you two are? You need to make up your damn mind about what's going on between you two or all you're going to do is break that girls heart."

I felt like I had just gotten punched in the stomach. I wanted to tell Nao off, I wanted to say she was wrong… but everything she had said was true. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it. My feelings were chaotic; I didn't know whether to yell or to cry. I wanted to slug Nao in the jaw but what would that solve?

"Look I'm sorry ok? I shouldn't have blown up on you like that…" Nao sighed, "Guess I'm just too drunk to keep my mouth shut. I'm not trying to pick a fight with you tonight ok?" I nodded weakly. "You're such a mope," she laughed awkwardly giving me a shove.

"Hah what can I say?" I gave Nao a playful push back, "I'm good at dwelling. Come on, let's just get drunk"

I raised my drink and she clumsily knocked her beer against it. "Sounds good to me," she laughed.

**this took way longer to edit than i had hoped. i originally wrote this out really late and night so it was riddled with errors. unfortunately this resulted in me editing well into the night, so please be lenient about my editing skills.  
friendly reminder that chapters 1-8 were already written and i'm currently just doing some major editing, so for the moment, updates will come as quickly as possible but once chapter 8 is up things are probably going to slow down a bit**


	6. Chapter 6

**To be honest i am not a big fan of this chapter, i feel like it's useless but at the same time it kinda needs to be here... so i mean i hope you guys/girls like it. also this chapter is pretty short**

**shizuru's perspective **

_It's getting late, _I sighed, staring at the black numbers on my phone, _I really need to fall asleep soon if I want to make it to class tomorrow. _I rolled over onto my stomach and pressed my face into my pillow with a groan. _I'm really getting quite fed up with this insomnia I seem to have developed. Why can't a just sleep? _I stretched out my legs under the covers and kicked at the empty spot where I felt that Natsuki should be. I idly wondered if the party was still going on. I was feeling kind of down that I had to leave early, especially if I was just going to be lying awake anyway.

As I impatiently waited for sleep to take me, my phone started to ring. "Hello?" I yawned.

"Hi Zuru!" Natsuki squealed excitedly.

"Natsuki, is everything ok?" I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, _it's the middle of the night._

"Yeah, everything's great! But um… could you come pick me up?" she slurred.

"Natsuki did you call her? I told you I would call!" I hear Mai chime in, in the background. "Hello?" she questioned, her voice suddenly coming through the phone.

"Hi Mai, is everything ok?" I asked wearily.

"Yeah everything's fine" she sighed, "Natsuki is just a little drunk… she doesn't want to go back to my house or stay here, but I can't really send her home like this either. I told her that if you were awake that I would ask if you wanted to pick her up."

I had already gotten out of bed and began lacing up a pair of sneakers, "Yeah of course, I'll be there in a little bit."

"You're a life saver. I'm really sorry about this, I already have my hands full with Midori and Nao," she laughed awkwardly, "I knew things would get out of hand with the three of them together."

"Really Mai, it's no trouble. I was already awake." I grabbed my keys and made my way to the door, "I'll be there in ten".

It was almost too quiet as I sped down the streets, the street lights blurring through my windows. I yawned as my thoughts basked in the glow of the nights earlier memories. All in all, tonight was pretty wonderful, and getting to fall asleep with Natsuki cuddled up in my arms was a nice way to finally end it. _I'm definitely not making it to class tomorrow,_ I chuckled. I was actually pretty glad that Natsuki wanted me to come pick her up. On the other hand though, Natsuki was certainly acting out of character, she's never really openly affectionate. Deep down I know she's a cuddle bug, especially when she's sleeping, but she would never admit to it. It's kind of bittersweet if I think about it too much. The only way Natsuki will be openly affectionate is if she's intoxicated. I felt a small prick of sadness in my stomach as I neared Midori's apartment, but I decided to just suppress it. Today had been such a wonderful day… I didn't want to ruin it with my own negativity.

"Zuru!" I heard Natsuki exclaim as I clicked the apartment door behind me.

She greeted me with a bright childlike smile when our eyes met. "Well hello there," I chuckled. I took a quick look around the disheveled apartment. On one couch, May was seated next to Natsuki, with a passed out Nao cuddled up in her lap. Midori was passed out on the other couch,_ I guess they must have tuckered themselves out, _I laughed quietly to myself.

"Again, Shizuru I'm really sorry" Mai called, bustling around the apartment, picking up cups, bottles, and cans. "Before Nao and Midori fell asleep it was like watching preschoolers. I even had to ask May to stay and lend a hand. Luckily Nao seems to be quite infatuated with her, or else her and Natsuki would probably still be up to no good." She laughed as she tossed a few empty cans into a recycling bin.

"We were bored," Natsuki stated simply, her lips jutting out into a pout.

"Oh quit your pouting and go find you shoes missy," the red head ordered, shaking her head.

"Can do!" Natsuki stood up before giving a mock salute and disappearing to another room in search of shoes.

"How one even loses their shoes is beyond me. You know, I warned them if things got out of hand this would be the last party... I guess they knew it was an empty threat." Mai explained sheepishly. "You know in their defense I'm pretty sure Midori and Nao were just trying to cheer up Natsuki. I know Nao and her got into a fight earlier and she was really upset about it." The girl furrowed her brow as if she were unsure if what she said had made sense. _It seems that Mai may still be a bit drunk herself. _"Anyway, I bet that's why Natsuki wanted you to come get her, you're the only one she trusts with emotions."

"Got 'em!" Natsuki interrupted before I could respond. "I left them on the porch" she giggled as she put her shoes on.

"Ready to go?" I asked; trying not to giggle as Natsuki stumbled over.

She nodded and smiled before tripping forward. I thankfully caught the fumbling bluenette and helped her back to her feet. "Oops," she blushed.

"Good luck Shizuru," Mai laughed, as we made our way out the door.

The intoxicated girl held tightly to my hand and skipped along the path to my front door, "careful," I warned, "I don't want you to fall".

"I'm not a child Shizuru" she huffed, before losing her footing and stumbling slightly. Her cheeks lit up with crimson as I unlocked the door for us.

"What do you say we get you to bed?" I suggested.

Natsuki simply nodded and kicked off her shoes before following me to my bedroom. Then she stumbled forward and once again landed in my arms. "Whoa!" she laughed, "I have a pretty bad case of the spins."

"Maybe Natsuki drank a little too much?" I asked, placing her on my bed.

"Maybe…" she hiccupped, wiggling off her jeans and crawling under the covers. "I was sad.

I slid into bed with the younger girl and she instantly clung to me, "well, why were you sad?"

"I don't remember…"she said simply. I could tell I wasn't going to get any more information on the subject, and I let out an audible sigh. "Don't worry, I'm ok now" Natsuki assured me, nuzzling as close as possible.

I contently wrapped my arms around her and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. She sighed and for awhile we just stayed like that. I was beginning to think Natsuki had fallen asleep when she suddenly began twisting around in my arms to hide her face from me. "Can I tell you something?" she asked at last.

"Anything," I answered, giving the girl a loving squeeze.

"You know I have those feelings for you too right? Like the same kind of feelings you have for me…" she fidgeted around in my arms again and I could tell she was blushing.

My head was suddenly swimming with a million thoughts at once. "What… what do you mean?" I asked finally, feeling a bit stunned.

"You know what I mean" she hiccuped.

I felt frozen, paralyzed. I couldn't speak; I felt all the air escape from my lungs. Natsuki was right, I knew what she meant. Part of me knew on some level she did have romantic feelings for me, but I never thought she would admit to it, especially so casually. _Hah, part of my thought I was going to grow old and die waiting for Natsuki._ The other half of me was almost relieved it was finally out in the open. There would be no more tip-toeing around the subject… or at least I hoped. Natsuki was very drunk, how could I know if she would even remember this confession in the morning.

"I guess I'm just scared," she added timidly.

I took a deep breath to get a grip on myself but it didn't work. I opened my mouth to speak, only to close it again.

There was a long pause of silence before Natsuki spoke again. "Oh yeah, and there was another thing too," the bluenette, yawned lifting herself up slightly, "earlier, when we were dancing, I really wanted you." She giggled a bit to herself before flopping back down with a small snore. _Just like that, she falls asleep._ I couldn't help but find the humor in the moment. _Natsuki always said that emotions were exhausting... _It took me awhile to actually process all the things that had been said. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. _So much for getting some sleep tonight..._

**so here's chapter 6. it's all out in the open now, or is it? **


	7. Chapter 7

**here we go folks, chapter 7. things are really starting to get going. also this is another short chapter**

"Uhg no, I'm not done sleeping yet," I groaned, burying my face into the soft warmth of my pillow. I begged with my body to fall back asleep but I already knew I would be awake for the rest of the day. My head was throbbing with pain, even the sound of my own voice hurt. I groaned again, causing my "pillow" to shift underneath me, and I heard a faint giggling. I pulled away slightly and tried to open my eyes, it was like trying to see through a thick fog. "You're not my pillow" I noted groggily, when my vision had finally cleared.

"I can be Natsuki's pillow if she wants though," Shizuru smiled and pulled me into an embrace.

I stifled another groan as the jack hammered pounded mercilessly on my brain. "What happened last night? I feel like I was hit by a truck or something." I rolled over onto my back; and winced from the light suddenly flooding into my eyes.

"Natsuki drank too much last night," Shizuru barely whispered, taking sympathy on my hangover. She idly combed her fingers through my hair and I was practically purring at her touch. I loved when Shizuru would play with my hair, especially when I had a headache. "Do you want me to get you some aspirin and water?" she asked at last. For a moment I was torn, I didn't want her to stop but I was also really thirsty. With a heavy sigh, I finally nodded. Shizuru slid out of bed and gave my head a small kiss before disappearing.

Every part of my body ached as I tossed in the now empty bed. For a second I considered swearing to never drink again but realistically that would never happen. I couldn't remember the last time I had had a hangover, come to think of it; this one could be my first. I pressed my face into a real pillow this time and groaned; I hated feeling so horribly. The worst part was my fuzzy memory of the night. I felt so embarrassed. I was never one to get uncontrollably drunk, I always handle my liquor.

I soon heard Shizuru's careful footsteps as she returned and sat down beside me, "did you fall back asleep?" she whispered.

"I wish," I mumbled, my face still stuffed into the pillow. With another suppressed sigh, I sat up and Shizuru handed me a glass of water and two capsules of Tylenol. I felt like I was moving in slow motion. "Only two?" I practically whined, "I was hoping for more like 10"

"Two is plenty" she giggled, crawling back into bed with a yawn.

I rolled my eyes before taking the two pills and chugging the glass of water, "so I remember up until you left… but the rest is a blur"

"Well I can't say for sure what happened when I wasn't there, but Mai sent me some rather interesting pictures of you and Nao running around with bras on your heads." Shizuru laughed, "Do you remember that?"

"It was a game, Nao said we were 'space invaders'" I shrugged, "space invader because the bras we were wearing on our heads were stolen of course. We always do stupid things like that." I idly combed my fingers through my hair; _this headache really just doesn't want to go away._ "Speaking of Mai, wasn't I supposed to sleep at her house?"

"Yes, but Natsuki wanted me," Shizuru paused, and I felt my face light up with crimson, "so I had to come pick her up"

I felt a knot in my stomach as my brain worked over the ambiguity of the statement. "Maybe I just didn't want to be stuck with Mai and her boy friend all night," I stuck my tongue out with a huff.

"Is Natsuki saying she doesn't want me?" the girl teased.

"I..." the knot in my stomach flew up to my throat and I coughed a little, feeling embarrassed.

"Because that's not what she said last night at least," Shizuru's lips were turned up in a small smirk. I could feel all the blood in my body rushing to my cheeks, and the lump in my throat kept me from answering. My mind instantly flashed back to last night, when our bodies tangled together as we danced. I felt my heart begin to race just as it had last night, as Shizuru leaned in close, our lips only inches apart. "You know," she whispered, "Natsuki is very honest when she drinks." I felt myself getting lost in the wine red eyes staring into mine. They were half closed with that dreamy look that Shizuru gets right before she kisses me. My heart only continued to thunder in my chest and she closed the distance between us and pressed her lips to mine.

Before I knew it Shizuru had pushed me down onto her bed and was pinning me down with her body. Regardless if I wanted to admit it, I did want Shizuru, especially last night. I nearly moaned against the girl's mouth from the way her lips moved expertly against mine. _How is it that someone could be so good at everything?_ Her lips quickly trailed down my jaw to my neck and she hungrily devoured the skin that was so willingly offered. She nipped and sucked at my neck, almost certainly causing a hickey. My head was swimming and I could barely think, yet something in me was telling me to stop. I didn't want to stop, it all felt so good, why should I stop? Shizuru bit down on my collar bone and I felt a soft moan escape my lips. This only seemed to further ignite her passion, as she continued her assault on my neck and collar bone. I wanted more but at the same time something in me felt so nervous.

Suddenly the memories of last night all started coming back to me. I remembered why I had drank so much… It was because I knew, deep down, all of the back and forth between Shizuru and I, was hurting her. I needed to make up my mind, and until I did, I couldn't in good consciousness continue. I took a deep breath, I really didn't want to have to stop, a part of me wished I had remembered that little bit of information later but even then I would feel guilty. "Shizuru?" I interrupted at last. She looked up at me with a small pout; she already knew what I was going to say. "we really shouldn't..."

For a second, she looked disappointed, but the girl's emotional mask was up in an instant. "I understand," the words spilled calmed her lips. "I must have misunderstood you last night." Shizuru moved herself to the edge of the bed and refused to meet my gaze.

I didn't know what to do… I had to figure out how I felt. I chewed nervously on my lip for a moment before deciding that I needed to go clear my head and think. _We're definitely going to need to have a talk when I get back though…_ I sighed to myself. "I gotta go take a ride ok?" I finally broke the silence but Shizuru didn't answer. "I just… I'm sorry… I need to think." this time I only got so much as a nod. I sighed and walked around to the edge of the bed before cupping the girls face in my hands, she still refused to look at me. "I'll be back soon ok?" I placed a light kiss on the girl's lips and she sighed halfheartedly before nodding again. I felt as if my heart was breaking, just as I had last night, I really didn't want Shizuru to hurt, especially because of me. I couldn't blame Shizuru for being upset… just last night I had confessed how I felt and now I was essentially taking it back._ I just don't know if I'm ready to take the leap of faith... I'm too scared to move forward yet there's no going back. _

As I made my way out the door I turned back to see Shizuru still in the same spot looking down, lost in her own thoughts. I felt like I had been punched in the gut, I had to figure things out today.

**poor Shizuru just can't catch a break.**  
**i have no idea why i always choose to update so late at night, and this chapter is way shorter than i remember it being so i will try to update tomorrow too.  
please leave some reviews, maybe it'll motivate me to work on chapter 9**

also guess who will be appearing in the next chapter ;p


	8. Chapter 8

**hello everyone, just a few notes about this chapter that i hope you'll read:**  
**1. this is the last chapter i have prewritten so updates will be slowing down some from here. hopefully not more than a week though. i apologize in advance.**  
**2. now i'm sure some of you will notice shizuru being a little ooc, but this is on purpose, i really wanted to show how crystal brings out the worst in her.**  
**please enjoy**  
**shizuru's perspective.**

_"We need to talk"_ that's all Natsuki's text had said, it's not that I didn't know this was coming, but it still sent my heart racing every time I thought about it. "We need to talk." I repeated out loud. _What good ever comes from "we need to talk"?_ I groaned, frustrated with myself, and threw my face into my pillow. Between my emotional exhausted, and the fact that I still haven't written my paper, _could this day get any worse?_

"Oh baby sister?!" an obnoxious voice called, slamming the front door behind it.

_That was a rhetorical question. _"She's not here!" I called back, rolling off my bed and heading to greet the source of the, oh so annoying voice. _Of all the times for big sister to visit, why today? Haven't I suffered enough?_

"Still as sarcastic as always I see" the girl chuckled, sitting down on the couch. "Well I'm glad you're not still moping around the house."

I felt a vain in my head begin to throb as I perfected my mask and smiled, "yes Crystal, everything is fine now. To what do I owe the pleasure of you visiting?" keeping the acid out of my tone was almost a painful task. "I was sure you'd be much too busy fornicated with the men at your fancy American school to come visit little me." _Oops, I guess a bit slipped. _I couldn't help but smirk as crystal narrowed her eyes at me.

"Now Zuru, that is no way to talk to your beautiful older sister," she scoffed, "and besides, I've acquired a taste for women lately."

_Probably because she's already slept with all the guys on campus, _"so I guess I can't even have my own sexuality without you trying to take it and make it your own," I muttered. _If anyone can bring out the worst in me, it's Crystal. I'm just glad Natsuki isn't here to see this… shit… I completely forgot about Natsuki. _I felt panicked as I reached into my pocket for my phone.

"I'm sorry, did you say something? All I could hear was the faint sound of something whiney and unimportant." Crystal mocked off handedly.

"Oh no, it was probably just the sound of all the joy leaving the room, but I'm sure you're use to that by now," I rolled my eyes as I opened my phone to send a text to Natsuki:

**Now really isn't a good time to chat. I'm in the midst of a visit from the devil herself. I'll text you later. Forgive me please. **

I tried my best to type as quickly as possible before jamming my phone back into my pocket; hoping Crystal hadn't been paying attention.

"Now I know you don't think that I missed that," she laughed, "texting your lover?" she stood up and tried to tackled me for the phone.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," I stated calmly, barely avoiding her attack.

*Bing* the phone chimed, _damn. _

"Ah-ha!" big sister exclaimed, before pouncing on me and sending us both tumbling to the floor. She ripped the phone out of my hand and held me down as she went to read through my messages.

"That's mine!" I nearly squealed, flailing wildly for the phone. _She's been here 10 minutes and it's my childhood all over again…_

"'stop being so dramatic Zuru, I'm already on my way'" crystal read aloud in a mock tone, "Oo Zuru? This Natsuki must be your lover, I wonder what else you text about," she smirked, scanning through my phone with one hand and holding me down with the other.

Even if Natsuki and I never texted about anything crystal would find to be interesting, I was still glad that I had just erased my messages. "Crystal this isn't funny!" I whined, "We're not kids anymore," I started kicking in a desperate attempt to get the girl off of me. She simply stuck her tongue out before pushing me back down again. "Come on, I'm not kidding! Give it back!" _Yup, my childhood all over again, _"you're so mean, why can't you just leave me alone?" I wailed as I finally got a hand on the phone.

"Stop being a baby" she huffed, "you were always such a whiney brat." She pulled the phone closer to her and right out of my hand. "What are you trying to hide anyway? Were you up all night sexting?"

"Crystallll oh my god, why would you even say that," I began to whine again, "Of course I wasn't you pervert!"

"Ahem," someone coughed, causing our fight to cease.

Big sister and I both jumped to our feet and regained our composure to see Natsuki standing in the doorway. _Damn it crystal, Natsuki was never supposed to see the terrible affect you have on me. _

"So uh…" the bluenette cleared her throat awkwardly, "I'm just going to go ahead and ask… what's going on here?" she raised her brow and folded her arms as she waited for an answer.

Both crystal and I flushed and she finally handed me my phone. "Just a little sibling rivalry love, nothing to worry about," Crystal charmed. "You must be Natsuki, I'm Crystal Fujino, Shizuru's older, and more attractive, sister" her smile was almost cat like as we took seats on opposite sides of the couch.

Natsuki eyed her wearily before seating herself on the coffee table. "Shizuru never mentioned having a sister…" she explained awkwardly.

"It never really came up" I stated casually, giving Natsuki a swat to get off of the table. _I hate when she does there. There are plenty of places to sit that are actually made for sitting._ She gave me a challenging look before standing. She glanced over at crystal at the other end of the couch and back to me, before sighing about being forced to sit between us.

Crystal gave me a dirty look before turning her attention back to Natsuki, "Zuru's such a little brat, hiding me from a cutie like you." She winked and flashed her flawless smile.

"So Crystal," I interrupted, annoyed by her obvious attempt to flirt, "you never did tell me why you were here."

"Ah yes" she nodded, "well, I was very worried about my baby sister. You see, mother had called and told me about how you were locking yourself in your room like a little spoiled brat," I wondered idly how many times she would call me a brat before this visited ended. "So naturally, being the caring, compassionate, sister that I am, I rushed over to comfort my little Zuru"

Natsuki tilted her head and shifted her attention back to me, probably trying to gauge how much of the story was true.

"I would hardly say that you rushed," I sighed, "mother called months ago"

"Well mother called me again and said that even though you were doing better, she still heard you crying at night." Crystal narrowed her eyes at me.

_This was so embarrassing._ "Please stop talking" I groaned.

"Besides, when mother originally called I was up to my neck in exams. It's not my fault that Zuru had to have her little melt down at the most inconvenient time," Big sister droned on.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. It didn't matter what time it was, you wouldn't have come anyway. You don't care about me," I shouted. Natsuki's eyes shifted nervously between the two of us but I couldn't stop myself. I was so sick of this. Crystal always manipulated everyone around me and I was not going to sit here and let her fill my Natsuki's head with lies. "The only reason you're here now is because you must have something to gain."

"Bite your tongue," Crystal snapped, "you know better than to disrespect your elder sister." Something in her tone made me shrink back down; suddenly I was that scared little kid again, locking myself in the bathroom so Crystal couldn't get to me.

I wanted so badly to fight back, to tell her I wasn't afraid anymore… but I was. "Yes big sister" I finally submitted.

"That's better," she smirked, once again showing her cat like smile, "I guess you just needed a little reminder of the way things work around here, but if you need a more authoritative figure to instill that with you than I can always call father" she threatened.

I felt every inch of my body tense, "That won't be necessary; I apologize for the way I've been acting." The words barely made their way past my clenched teeth. In my sudden fear I had almost forgotten about Natsuki, until she wordlessly placed her hand on top of mine. I looked up to meet her sympathetic gaze, _how embarrassing. _In a last attempt at salvaging my dignity I shot crystal a subtle pleading look to drop it. I knew Natsuki wouldn't pick up on the expression at least but I hoped Crystal would. She glanced over from Natsuki and back to me with an understanding nod. Crystal may be terrible, but she liked to keep things private.

"So are you done arguing?" Natsuki mumbled awkwardly, giving my hand a small squeeze. I looked down at the way my fingers were laced with Natsuki's, _great, another thing for crystal to torment me for._

"Yes love; you know how sisters can be. Nothing a pretty thing like you should worry about anyway" Crystal began to flirt again, making me sick to my stomach. I couldn't help be remember the way my parents had reacted when I had come out, and something in me knew Crystal definitely got a different reaction. This was just a phase for her anyway, if I could see that than I'm sure our parents could as well and paid her no mind.

"Hah," Natsuki laughed sarcastically, "Shizuru she's almost as bad as you are. There's no doubt that you're related."

"She's worse actually," I sighed, before tensing, hoping this wouldn't upset crystal.

"Oh don't mind her, Natsuki; Shizuru is just cranky because I'm the real lady killer of the family," the oldest girl giggled. "Father blessed me with both his charm and eye color." She winked at my Natsuki again and another wave of nausea washed over me.

"Oh yeah, I noticed that. The only visible difference between you and Shizuru is the eyes. Yours are like honey, and hers are like wine," Natsuki noted casually, "aside from that you two could be twins." Both crystal and I made a face at the comparison. _I hate always being compared to crystal._

"Yes people have been saying that for years," Crystal laughed, "it's hard to believe I'm a whole three years older than little Shizuru"

"Three years huh?" Natsuki ran her fingers through her hair as she spoke, "how come I never saw you at school or anything? When I was in middle school you would have been on your last year of high school right?" Natsuki furrowed her brows, _she's so cute when she's confused._

"Yes, but no." crystal explained, "You see love; I was what most people would call a handful when I was younger. I had been sent away to a boarding school before even starting high school." _Pfft, yeah that's why you were sent away._

"Yuck, boarding school." Natsuki giggled, "Bet that was horrible."

_Uhg how can she talk so friendly to that evil shrew? My Natsuki is too sweet to get along with someone so vile._

"It wasn't as bad as you think," big sister explained with yet another wink. "Being surrounded by the who's who children of the states did have some advantages"

I was beginning to feel restless, how much longer could I listen to Crystal schmooze before I snapped? It was torture. It was slowly becoming my childhood all over again, I had to sit and bite my tongue while Crystal charmed her way through conversations. Most of what she was saying was all twisted anyway. Crystal was a horrible person and I was sure Natsuki could see right through her, or at least I hoped.

"Hah, maybe for some people, I bet they're all snobby spoiled little brats," the bluenette snorted_. _She tucked her hair behind her ear and glanced over at me. "As much fun as this whole conversation has been, Shizuru and I actually have something important we need to be doing"

"Oh," I could tell crystal was caught off guard by the sudden change in tone, "well alright… I'll be staying here while mother and father are off on business, so if and when you want to chat again…" she paused, her lips curving up in a smirk, "you know where to find me."

It was too quiet as I watched Natsuki climb up into the tree and sit on her favorite branch. I wasn't quite sure why we were here, but this is where we always seemed to go to think. I felt anxiety beginning to pick at my skin as I leaned back and nearly slammed my head against the same tree that Natsuki sat in. I felt… overloaded. There were too many things going on. My thoughts were racing, and all I could do was hope that we could just sit in silence. I didn't want to talk… I was tired; I wanted to go home and sleep.

"Why do you let her treat you like that?" Natsuki asked, finally breaking the silence.

I sighed as I began to twist a lock of hair around my finger, "I don't know what you're talking about." I didn't even bother to hide the insincerity in my voice.

"Your sister…" she pressed on, "why do you let her talk to you like that?"

I pressed my lips together in a hard line, unsure how to answer. I don't think I've ever been asked that question before. I don't think I've ever really thought about how I would explain to someone the way things work in my family. "That's just the way it is," I barely whispered.

"You don't have to be afraid of her," Natsuki ran her hand through her hair as if she had said the most obvious answer in the world, yet I flinched at the words… When it came down to it; I think I would always be afraid.

"Even if I stood up for myself, against crystal, there are people in my life that are much more frightening to me than she is," I sighed, feeling myself becoming more ridged. _I really don't want to talk about this… _

"Like your dad?" I felt myself flinch again as Natsuki continued to try to pry answers from me. I subconsciously scratched at the skin on the back of my arm… I really did not want to talk about this. "Ok fine," she said at last, after a few minutes of silence, "you don't have to tell me… but you know you can tell me anything right?" I simply nodded, now clawing my own flesh. Natsuki sighed and climbed down from her branch before wrapping her arms around me. "Don't do that…" she whispered. I couldn't find any words… I couldn't explain… and I couldn't stop scratching. I felt as if I were going to burst into tears at any moment. I watched as my entire home life flashed before my eyes… how was I suppose to explain that? How could I ever tell someone about all the horrible things? I felt the younger girl reach up to pull my hands away from my skin and even against my better judgment I felt myself fighting back. Part of me wanted to run, I didn't want to talk, and I wanted to be alone. "It's ok," she cooed, finally getting me to stop scratching. I felt my legs give out on me as I finally gave in to the tears that had built up behind my eyes. The bluenette sighed and cradled me against her body, "It's ok…" she tried again. I hated this… I hated crying… I never wanted Natsuki to see me like this. And yet I found myself burying my face deeper into the girl's chest as I continued to heavily sob. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't stop myself. I felt as if I had fallen apart, and even after all of this, I still felt completely unwilling to talk about it. I didn't want Natsuki to know.

**uhg i hope you all hate crystal as much as i do. and if you don't think she's bad now wait until you find out why she was sent away.  
please read and review3**


	9. Chapter 9

**ok so please read this before reading the chapter.**

**first, i've decided to slap an ooc label on this for the sole fact that i am recognizing that not everyone will agree with the way i think the characters would have grown and changed after where the anime left off (wow run on sentence much?). and i do a terrible job of keeping Nao in character.  
second, i am aware i have packed a lot in a story wise time span of only a day. i'm not necessarily thrilled out it either, but part of it is i kind of wrote myself into a box and the other part is that i really wanted things to just go downhill fast.  
third, i'm soooo sorry that this update took so long. between a hit to myself esteem and health problems, getting to write was nearly impossible. i'm not proud of this chapter at all, i actually think this whole story sucks actually. but i won't let myself leave another project unfinished. anyway... just keep those things in mind from now on in the story. **

For the second time today I found myself back at Mai and Nao's dorm. _At least this time I wasn't holding the toilet while I puked my guts out. This day was really dragging on much too slowly._ I glanced over at the window to the finally setting sun, _well, at least it's almost over. _

"So wait… she has a sister?" Nao repeated for the third time. I nodded and the red head leaned back against the couch reflecting. "And she never bothered to mention that?"

I nodded again before answering, "I know, it's some freaky shit. The girl could be her twin and before today I had no idea she even existed. Who hides something like that?" I sighed. I'm sure Shizuru has her reasons but I still found the whole thing to be very strange.

"well you did say the sister was a bitch, maybe she's like psycho or something and she's been locked up. I know I wouldn't want to talk about something like that." Nao seemed way too interested in this. I suppose anyone would be if they weren't living it though. And since Shizuru obviously wasn't going to talk to me about it, it was good I had someone else to talk to.

"You know, I'd believe that. She did say the parents sent her away to a boarding school, and Shizuru really seems to hate her…" not that I really like Crystal much myself, anyone who makes Shizuru that visibly unhappy most be more terrible than I could imagine. My mind quickly flashed back to Shizuru scratching her arms at the tree. I felt my heart clench as I tried to shake the image that seemed to just keep popping back up. "This whole week is really screwed up and it's only Tuesday," I groaned.

"Speaking of, you never did tell me about last night. You were too busy puking up last night's liquor to fill me in," the red head smirked.

"Shut up, Mai already told me that you were puking this morning too. We went a little too crazy last night." I shook my head.

"You're telling me," Nao laughed, "I spent the night with that girl May and let me tell you, she's a freak." _Pervert. _"Don't get me wrong, it was fun, just totally unexpected. I mean, you met her, she looks so innocent."

"Nao, I really don't need to hear about your sex life right now." _Talk about too much information._

"You're right. We should be talking about yours. So what happened after you went home with Shizuru?" the corners of the girls mouth turned up in a cat like way.

I blushed, thinking about the small but visible hickey on my neck, before giving the girl a smack on the arm, "calm down there, nothing happened." I could feel myself blush, "from what Shizuru told me, she basically had to carry my sloppy drunk ass into the house, and then I confessed my undying love and lust before falling asleep. I think I might have gotten up to throw up in the middle of the night but I don't remember."

"You are sloppy," The girl mocked, "so what about this morning? Did she want to talk about what happened?"

I shook my head. "This morning was even worse. For like, the first hour after I woke up I was so disoriented and hung over. I couldn't even remember anything from last night. We just kinda talked. I asked her about last night, and she reminded me about our 'space invader' bit... and then we kind of made out…," my cheeks felt hot, "and then I stopped it and came here."

"You are so dumb sometimes, seriously? All that happens and your first thought was to come here?"

I began chewing my nails anxiously, "It wasn't like that; I needed to think. Whenever I'm with Shizuru my head gets all fuzzy. Eventually I realized that just leaving was a terrible idea and went back. Isn't that all that matters?"

"No dumbass, because then after all that shit with her sister you just left again" Nao rolled her eyes with a sigh. She thinks she knows everything about relationships which is pretty funny because I don't think she's ever actually been in one.

"Well… I…" I pressed my lips together trying to think of what to say. I wasn't going to tell Nao about the incident at the tree, so I couldn't exactly explain that when we got back to her house she ran inside, locking the door behind her. I tried calling her phone over and over and I sat outside her house for an hour before finally giving up and coming here. Shizuru would call me when she's ready. "She told me to leave. She said she had some stuff to do and wanted to be alone." That wasn't completely false, she did still have homework to do, and obviously wanted to be alone.

Nao shook her head and once again sighed, "Well alright… Are you going back later?"

"I don't know yet… I have to go home and take a shower and stuff. I was supposed to be staying with Shizuru for the week, but now that Crystals staying there I don't know what the deal is." I explained as I casually checked my phone. _Still nothing. _"If she calls and asks me to come over I will though."

"Alright well May and I are probably going to go down to the lake, just to like hang out and maybe smoke," I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't even notice Nao texting away. "Wanna go?" she asked.

I cracked my knuckles as I thought it over. It's not like I smoke pot all the time or anything, but every once in awhile, usually after a night of heavy drinking, Nao will want to and I'll join it. When we do we'll most likely just go down to the lake with her latest lover, and sit on the dock and talk. Sometimes Mai will come too, but it's not very often since she won't smoke, and that boy friend of hers doesn't exactly approve. But it's actually pretty fun just hanging out. "I literally just told you that I have to go shower. I guess I can just meet you guys there after… You don't think Shizuru would get mad though right? I mean she usually doesn't mind just with everything going on…."

"Jeez you haven't even smoked yet and you're already paranoid," Nao cut me off, "It'll be fine. But if you're that worried about it, just ask Shizuru if she wants to come too." Nao checked her phone again, "May's on her way now so you better hurry up and get ready."

**i already know i'm going to get some shit for having pot being a thing. but you know what? they're teenagers, is it really THAT big of a stretch to think that they'd try it at some point? anyway, i had to add that in for an idea i had for later down the line. **

**again, i'm really not proud of this chapter, and i know it's pretty short . i tried. **

**please leave reviews. i don't mind CONSTRUCTIVE criticism as long as you know the difference between that an being rude/mean.**


	10. Chapter 10

**these chapters always look so much longer on Microsoft. anyway... here's chapter 10. i actually kind of like it so i hope you all will as well. however i did write this at 6am so it may be a little messy as far as spelling and grammar but i did my best**

I felt sick to my stomach as I slammed the door in Natsuki's face. I hated feeling like this and as much as I didn't want to be, I needed to be alone.

It was almost too quiet as I paced through my house with heavy sobs ripping through my chest. What made it worse was that I knew Crystal was lurking somewhere in the house, listing to the whole scene.

"Shizuru, please open the door," Natsuki's tried, her voice barely making it through the door. When I didn't answer she tried again. "Come on Shizuru, this is crazy." That time I flinched. _I'm not crazy. _Natsuki continued to bang on the door and call out to me; eventually it got to the point where I just couldn't listen any longer. "Shizuru please… I just want to be there for you," was the last thing I heard before slamming my bedroom door, hopefully loud enough for Natsuki to hear.

_If anyone should understand me wanting to hide my emotions it should be her, _I huffed to myself, as I flopped down onto my bed._ I'm a Fujino; we don't get comforted while we cry about our problems. We hide everything while we take another valium and chase it with a glass of wine… or at least that's what my mother does anyway._ I_t's better than what Crystal does though, sleeping around and partying all the time. _

I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt one final time before getting up to wash my face.

There was something too cliché about the way I dragged my feet all the way to the bathroom. I sighed as I turned the cold water knob on the sink. I looked up to the mirror to see just how bad the damage was, and I really wasn't surprised by my reflection. My eyes were puffy and blood shot, while the circles surrounding them had darkened. I reached out and let the cool water fill up in my hands, before splashing it against my red face. As much as I didn't like pushing Natsuki away, I was glad that she wasn't there to see me like this. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid. _I'm supposed to be Natsuki's rock, someone she can count on when she falls apart. How is she supposed to trust me for support when I can't even hold myself together? _I lazily cleansed my face with my cucumber melon scrub and sighed. _"Crying is no excuse for clogged pores" _I could almost hear my mother saying. She always expects me to be as perfect as possible.

After attempting to shoo away those thoughts and ultimately failing, I hesitantly looked back up at the mirror. _Better…_I sighed. My face was no longer red and puffy, and my eyes were no longer blood shot. For the most part I was back to normal, all except the dark circles around my eyes, which reminded in place, just as they had for awhile now.

I found myself on autopilot, as I absent mindedly made my way to the kitchen to prepare myself some tea. And when I was finished, I sat in my usual seat. It's the same one it's always been, even when I was a kid, sitting down for "family dinner". Sitting here alone certainly wasn't a new feeling. Even at said family dinners I felt alone. Mother was usually already drunk or was on a new prescription that made her into a zombie. Crystal and father would just plain ignore me. She would prattle on about her latest achievements and father would hang on her every word. He would praise her and tell her all about how proud he was and how she was his perfect little girl. The only time either would acknowledge me was when father would tell me what a disappointment I was. _"Why can't you be more like your older sister?" _His voice bounced around in my head, "_or better yet, why couldn't you have been born a boy?" _I felt myself flinch as I recalled his usual spiel. _"You're so ungrateful. Your mother and I give you every opportunity and with each thing you try, you fail and give up. You're a disgrace to the family name." _By this point I would start shaking. When I was younger mother would try to get him to settle down at this point but that stopped after my 13th birthday. I guess she figured I was old enough to handle it. That was better than assuming she just stopped caring. It was always the same thing with my father. He always yelled the same things, called me the same names, and made the same insults. _"All you ever want to do is hang around your grandmother's house. When are you going to do something I can be proud of?" _I could hear him shouting as though he were actually in the room with me. I covered my ears and the rant continued."_How are those violin lessons going? Hm? Have you even been practicing? YOU LAZY LITTLE BRAT." _The walls felt like they were closing in. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, all I could do was scratch at my skin… just like I had earlier. I felt as if I were going to explode. I was drowning in my own memories and I didn't know how to make it stop.

"Uhg you still do that?" Crystal's voice snapped me out of it just before I began screaming.

I took a deep breath, finally beginning to calm down, and again I was thankful I had sent Natsuki away. "Huh?" I finally answered.

"Huh?" she mocked back; "you know what I'm talking about." Big sister narrowed her eyes at me before sitting across the table. "So, how long have you and Natsuki been fucking?"

I cringed at her question, "Natsuki and I are not having sex with each other." _Not that that's any of your business..._

"What?" She seemed genuinely surprised, "Well how long have you been dating?"

I took a sip of my tea and took a long pause before answering, "We're not dating…" I finally sighed. Sure I knew how things were between Natsuki and I, but saying that out loud? It kind of hurt.

Crystals lips turned up in a smirk, "Good, that means she's up for grabs."

I felt myself scowling, even though I knew she never had a chance with Natsuki, I still felt defensive. "Good luck," I noted sarcastically. There was no way I was letting her anyway near my Natsuki.

**don't you just want to give shizuru a hug? cause i do. moving on, i would just like to remind everyone to please leave reviews.**


	11. Chapter 11

_**ok so i wanted to do something different for this chapter. its from niether shizuru's or natsuki's perspective. it's basically just text messages. idk how crazy i am about this so i might delete it... it's just something i wanted to try.**_

**Bold = Natsuki & **Normal = Shizuru

9:06pm: Hey.

**9:08pm: Hey, feeling any better?**

9:09pm: I guess… what're you up to?

**9:12pm: Just about to head down to the lake with nao. You?**

9:12pm: Lying in bed.

**9:13pm: Do you want to come to the lake with me? I can go pick you up on the way**

9:14pm: Not really.

**9:16pm: Ok… do you still want me to stay over for the week?**

9:16pm: I guess

**9:17pm: Are you mad at me?**

9:18pm: No

**9:36pm: Well what's wrong? Sorry it took so long to answer. I just go to the lake.**

9:37pm: I'm fine. I'm just tired. Long day…

**9:40pm: Yeah I know :/ I really wish you'd come out with us tonight.**

9:42pm: I just don't feel like going out

**9:45pm: Well ok… I'm probably going to get to your house at like 11ish if that's alright**

9:46: Yeah, I might be sleeping by then so I'll leave the back door unlocked.

**9:46pm: Ok :)**

10:30pm: Natsuki?

**10:32pm: Yeah?**

10:33pm: Nothing, I just can't sleep and was wondering what you were doing

**10:40pm: Oh. Yeah I'm just hanging out. May and nao "went for a walk" so I'm just sitting here**

**10:41pm: They probably went to go make out. Losers**

10:43pm: Oh… sounds boring

**10:44pm: Not really, I brought my ipod and I'm feeling pretty good right now**

10:44pm: Oh

10:52pm: When are you coming home?

**10:53pm: soon. Once they get back we're probably going to smoke another bowl then I'll head out. I miss you**

10:54pm: I miss you too.

**10:57pm: Uhg nao's being so annoying. I think I like her better when she's "playing the field"**

10:58pm: I'm sorry. What's she doing that's annoying?

**10:59pm: Idk… it's dumb never mind**

11:01pm: Natsuki what is it?

**11:04pm: It's dumb. I think I'm just jealous because things are always easy for her. And for mai too… they're not all guarded and shit. They're not paranoid or all messed up emotional. They find someone they like, they tell them, they get together, end of story. I just mess everything up…**

11:07pm: Natsuki…

11:07pm: We really shouldn't have this conversation through text.

**11:11pm: I know… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything… I know nows not the right time to talk about all that. I'm just kind of upset. Plus not for nothing I might be a bit delirious from lack of sleep.**

11:13pm: Yeah I know the feeling… we'll talk about it when you get back ok?

**11:15pm: Yeah I'm leaving now.**

_**wow this is a super short chapter. and like i said, i'm not crazy about it.**_


	12. Chapter 12

**before you get to reading chapter 12 i would just like to say thank you to the few people who have left me reviews they mean so much to me. i'm not very confident in my writing at all and those reviews really help me work past that.**

**sorry this update took a little while. it's been a three day process but i finally got it to a point that i can be ok with. now i just hope that you all will like it.**

I stood awkwardly outside of Shizuru's house, shuffling my feet against the path. My high had faded and all of today's troubles had crashed back down. _At least that headache finally went away_, I laughed pathetically to myself. This was so dumb; I was the one who wanted to talk things out to begin with, so why was it taking me so long to just to open the door…

_Uhg what is wrong with me?_ I groaned as I checked the time on my phone, _11:46pm, great… I'm late. She's probably already fallen asleep, thinking I'm not coming. I'm so stupid. _Hesitantly, I finally reached for the knob.

Most of the lights had already been turned off, all except the bathroom light, which Shizuru always left on, so I could find my way in the middle of the night. When I gently pushed open to door to Shizuru's room, the light crept its way in. Shizuru was curled up, fast asleep, and when the light had reached her face, she grumbled to herself before rolling over, out of its way.

I was actually glad to find Shizuru had fallen asleep. I knew she hadn't been lately and she just looked so tired. I grabbed the bag I had dropped off earlier and quickly changed into my pajamas. With a yawn and a smile I finally crawled into bed with the sleeping beauty and wrapped my arms around her, ready to get some sleep myself, and finally end this stressful day.

It was only an hour before my eyes popped back open, or at least it felt like an hour. Maybe it was too dark, or the air was too thick, or maybe I just couldn't relax, but for whatever reason, I found myself staring at the ceiling, wide awake. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep. "Hey Shizuru," I whispered, fidgeting awkwardly. I didn't really want to wake her up, but I didn't want to be up alone either.

"Mm, what is it Natsuki?" She rolled over and I could see her rubbing her eyes in the darkness.

_Her sleepy voice is adorable. _"Um never mind… It's nothing. Go back to sleep," I mumbled shyly against my pillow.

"No, no, I'm up now," She yawned, sitting up. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I sighed, inching myself closer and placing my head on the girl's lap, "I just can't sleep."

"Well, talk to me," She paused, beginning to run her fingers through my hair, "What's on your mind?"

I suddenly felt restless. _What was on my mind?_ I started fidgeting as I thought that over. Honestly I couldn't tell... It felt as though my thoughts were both racing and blank at the same time. I just wanted to talk, which I'll admit, is usually the last thing I want to do. I just felt so unresolved. "Can we play the question game?" I asked suddenly and without really thinking.

I could almost feel the strange look the older girl was certainly giving me. "If that's what Natsuki wants" she agreed wearily.

"Ok. Now the rules are that you have to answer completely honestly ok?" I felt kind of silly doing this, but I knew this was one of the only ways to get information out of Shizuru. Her giggling didn't help though. "I'll go first. Why didn't you tell me about your sister?"

She raised her eye brows at me before answering and I suddenly felt too shy to look at her while we talked. "Wow Natsuki is really bold; jumping right into the serious questions." I didn't bother to give her comment a response, I just wanted answers. "Ok," she finally sighed, "well you met my sister; you've seen how she is."

"That's not an answer," I mumbled.

The blonde untangled her fingers from my hair and rested them again her face, "Well, when I was younger Crystal did some very terrible things to me…" she began. "Things I'm not ready to discuss."

I took a moment to let the first answer sink in, "Fair enough… your turn."

"Why did you drink so much last night?" Shizuru asked.

Her question caught me off guard just as much as mine had her. "Um," I wasn't sure how to answer, I guess it was complicated. "Well something Nao said upset me". I knew I was going to get grief for the vague reply but I had more questions I wanted answered first.

"What did she say?"

"It's not your turn"

Shizuru sighed before crossing her arms, "Ok fine; your turn."

"Why did you push me away earlier?" all I wanted to do was help. I wanted to comfort her the same way she comforted me so many times before. "I just wanted to be there for you…"

"I didn't want you to see me like that," The old girl said simply, only after tensing beneath me.

"Why?" I asked without thinking.

Shizuru scrunched her nose at me, "it's not your turn," she tease. I rolled my eyes as I waited for her next question. "What were the details of your conversation with Nao?"

_Damn she's getting better at wording the questions so I'll have to explain. _I took a long pause before answering. I didn't want to just ramble like I usually do when we talk. "After you left the party… I guess I was moping. Nao came over and kind of yelled at me. She said I was leading you on." My face was already turning red, "She said that I had to pick a side and I couldn't just stay in this grey area we're in now. At first I was really mad… but then I realized she was right. I know how sad you get sometimes… and when you're sad… I'm sad. So I drank to make it go away. It worked for a little while but then I just started to miss you. That's why I called," I bit my lip; that was a little more than the question asked. I felt my cheeks flush as I waited for an answer; an answer that was taking a little too long for my own comfort.

"What are you afraid of?" Shizuru finally spoke. Her voice was soft and gentle and she resumed combing her fingers through my hair, as she had been earlier.

I was so grateful to finally hear a response I ignored the fact that it wasn't her turn. Besides, this was different. We both understood that the game had been paused and this was now a very serious conversation. As oblivious as I am to such things, even I could feel the tone shifting between us. "Well… um… I guess… well you see," I rambled, "when you're friends with someone you have to do something really terrible for them to stop being your friend… but dating is different. There's a lot more ways you can mess up and I'm not even good at friends so how can I possibly be a good girlfriend? And once you lose a girlfriend… that's it. You just lose them forever and I guess…"

"That's what it's all about?" Shizuru interrupted, "you think that if we became a couple that you might lose me? That's all?"

"What do you mean that's all? That's a pretty important thing." I huffed.

"Natsuki is a very silly girl" she smiled, "even if things didn't work out, romantically that is, you could never lose me. As long as you want me around I'll be there for you. I thought you knew that."

Her answer was almost too simple. _I don't know what I'd do without Shizuru. After all the worrying of whether I could take that risk she just simply tells me that I'm being silly? That all my fears are completely wrong? _"You don't know that for sure though. What if I really mess things up and you never want to see me again?"

"Would you ever kill someone? Hurt someone? Do something terrible you'd go to jail for?" she asked.

"No of course not,"

"Would you ever hit me, cheat on me, ignore me for weeks on end, be a jerk, or anything like that?"

"No never."

"Then there is nothing else I can think of that would make me never want to see you again." Shizuru smiled confidently, "I told you, you were being silly."

"You make it sound so simple," I pouted, "by the way that was a lot of questions so I get to ask you a bunch too."

"And I promise that you will get your chance to, tomorrow." The girl giggled, "I have class in a few hours and we both really need to get some sleep."

"Wait," I said as Shizuru began to lie back down, "this conversation… does it change anything… for us?"

"Only if you want it to," she yawned.

"I do," my cheeks had flushed so deeply that they actually hurt, "I've been thinking about it a lot lately and well I… I… well I want you to be my girlfriend," I finally managed.

"And Natsuki decides that the best time to tell me this is in the middle of the night? It couldn't have waited till the morning?" she sighed and wrapped her arms around me.

"That's not an answer," I pouted.

Though I couldn't see her face I could tell Shizuru had rolled her eyes. "I would love to be your girlfriend. Now, give me a kiss, and go to bed."

"But I still have stuff I want to talk to you about" I continued to pout.

Shizuru pressed her forehead against mine and caressed my cheek. "And I already promised that we could talk tomorrow."

"You'll be completely honest right?"

"Of course I'll be completely honest," she smiled and placed a small kiss against my lips, before rolling over to fall asleep.

_Jeez I have a case of butterflies so sever I feel a little queasy and she can just go right back to bed. _I rolled my eyes before cuddling back up and trying to sleep.

**gasp something good finally happens? huzzah. anyways... please review :) i will be working at 13 as soon as i get the chance. **


	13. Chapter 13

**about this chapter... i just dont like it i'm sorry it's terrible.  
also i understand that the lack of reaction from shizuru in last chapter seemed a little strange but it was in the middle of the night. idk i had a hard time writing that. just like i had a hard time writing this one. i'm just having a hard time writing everything idk what i'm saying. anyway i hope you'll all enjoy this**

The alarm on my phone begins to play its soft beep and I reach over to quickly shut it off before it wakes Natsuki. I really didn't need the alarm, in fact for the last few minutes I've been laying here waiting for it to go off. But I always set it just in case.

Today is Wednesday, and I'll admit that I find Wednesday to be the worst day of the week. It's 7:30 in the morning and it's time to start the day. I roll out of bed with a yawn and peek over at my Natsuki; now officially MY Natsuki, as of just a few short hours ago. She was curled up with the corner of the blanket tucked against her face. I smiled as I leaned in to give the girl a kiss on the forehead, and she smiled back at me in her sleep.

With one more final yawn I made my way to the bathroom. It's the same thing every morning. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed at the mirror. _Those bags still aren't going away. _As I began to strip off my clothes to shower, I pondered my terrible sleeping habits some more. Though I hate math I couldn't help but try to calculate how many hours I had slept in the last few days. It wasn't much.

Now standing naked in front of the mirror I sighed again. I ran my fingers along my own body and wondered what it was that made me feel so down on myself. Was I born with such insecurities… or was it simply that all those comments my mother made had a greater affect than I had thought. I pinched one of my thighs, it was definitely the later. _"Zuru you really should watch what you eat, no man will want you if you have chunky thighs." _I rolled my eyes, well that was perfectly fine because I don't want a man.

The water was too hot when it hit my skin. It's always either too hot or too cold, I mess it up every morning. _I really need to get such negative thoughts out of my head. Things are finally starting to look up and all I can do is succumb to my own self loathing. _I laughed weakly to myself as I washed my hair. It's like this every morning.

I felt stiff and achy as I walked back to my room in just a towel. _I really should have grabbed clothes before going to shower. I hope all this fussing around my room doesn't wake Natsuki. _I already know I'm going to have trouble picking out something to wear._ Nothing ever fits the way I want it to. I'm so tired I almost wish I could show up for school in sweats. _This thought reminds me of why I hate Wednesdays. After my morning class I have to remember to head to the gym, and after that I have my evening class. I usually don't get home till late. _I don't want to go to class or the gym though, I wish I could lay in bed with Natsuki all day, or at least a couple more hours. _

When I finished getting dressed I allowed myself some time to watch Natsuki as she slept. She had spread herself out, and messed up all the covers, just like she does every time after I get out of bed. I still think it's cute that she sleeps with her mouth open, even if it results in her drooling all over my pillow.

I checked the time again, _how it is already 8:15? _Now I have a choice of either skipping breakfast, or being late. I already skipped class yesterday, I can't be late today.

_My skins not even that bad today, why do I still feel the need for concealer? _And then I thought of my mother telling me how much prettier I would look with clear skin.I was really sick of hearing my parent's criticisms even when they weren't home. I finished applying my makeup and shoved it all into my bag with a huff. I don't know why my family has been getting to me so much... It's not like they're any worse than usual, if anything things have been better; especially since Natsuki came into my life. Now at least when things get really bad here, I can escape to her apartment and everything feels ok again. I looked back over to my sleeping girlfriend, she was all I needed. I yawed before deciding to give her one last kiss before heading out.

Yukino and I sat together in the court yard for lunch every Tuesday and Wednesday. We both took advanced courses that day and our breaks overlapped. It was one of the few times we had alone together without Haruka or Natsuki. I like talking with just Yukino, she really is a smart girl, and there are a lot of things I can talk to her about that I wouldn't bring up in front of Haruka. While it was true that we had all been friends for a very long time, I never really talked about personal things with Haruka. That's just the kind of friends we were. It's not that she doesn't care, I'm sure she does, she's just not very… sensitive.

"Wow Shizuru, I don't think I've ever seen you so happy on a Wednesday," Yukino noted, "might it have anything to do with the reason you skipped class yesterday?"

"Why do you assume I skipped? I could have easily just been sick." I laughed, maybe I don't give Yukino enough credit; the girl always seems to know everything.

"I'm sure, and Haruka has taken up whispering." She chuckled back. "But really, what's got you in such a good mood?"

As much as I tried to hide it, my face began to turn red, "well, as of last night, I am official Natsuki Kuga's girlfriend."

"Wow really?" the mousy girl smiled, "that's fantastic Shizuru, I'm really happy for you."

"Well thank you"

"It certainly took her long enough. I admit I'm a little jealous, it's going to take Haruka at least another year before she finally gets it through that thick skull of hers that we should be together." She rolled her eyes. "Maybe I should just give up and begin my life as a spinsterish."

"Oh you know you don't mean that," I couldn't help giggling a little. "She'll come around eventually." I sighed as I began packing up my lunch.

"Well if she doesn't, don't be surprised if I suddenly adopt a bunch of cats," she groaned. "So I ran into Crystal last night…"

Her second comment caught me off guard and I nearly choked on my own spit, "yes, she's been back for a few days now, though she still hasn't revealed why. Where did you run into her?"

"The store," Yukino shrugged, "I went to pick up some snacks for movie night at Haruka's and she was there."

"Well at least you didn't catch her doing something too sinister" I tried laughing it off. It really bothered me how normally Crystal could fit back into life here.

"Shizuru..? Just… be careful." She placed her hand on top of mine as she spoke, "I know I don't exactly know what happened between you two before she left for boarding school… but you weren't the same for a long time after that. I'd hate to see you go through that again."

I simply nodded, having flashbacks to the last time when Crystal and I both lived under the same roof. I wasn't sure if I could handle it again…

It was already dark outside by the time I finally got home. "Natsuki?" I called.

"Uhg why couldn't you have the week off too? Waiting around for you is so boring." The younger girl sighed, scratching the fading mark on her neck.

"What a cute little hickey. Who gave you that?" I chuckled.

"My other girlfriend," Natsuki rolled her eyes, before walking over and wrapping her arms around me. She nuzzled her face into my shoulder, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," I nuzzled her back a little and kissed her hair.

After a few minutes of just standing there holding each other, we both finally let go.

"How come you didn't wake me up to say bye this morning?" Natsuki asked, as she began to make her way back to my room.

"Well Natsuki looks so cute when she sleeps. I couldn't bring myself to wake her. Besides, I had to get up so early, and you get cranky if you don't get enough sleep." I explained, following close behind.

The younger girl sat down on my bed and grabbed my laptop. "You know, you have your own laptop for a reason," I sighed, sitting beside her.

She simply shrugged, "yeah but you actually have antivirus stuff. So if I want to play games or something, and you're not home, I just use yours. I'm just going to finish up this level real quick."

"So is that what Natsuki has been doing all day? Lying in bed playing video games?"

She didn't bother to look up, "No, I hung out with Mai earlier. I finally got her to actually work on that stupid project and we surprisingly finished early." She paused, concentrating solely on her game for a moment. "FUCK, I hate these stupid aliens," She said at last. "I haven't been able to get past that part once today." Natsuki ran her fingers through her hair, clearly annoyed. "Anyway, we ended up going shopping too." She closed the computer and leaned against me with a sigh.

"Well that sounds fun, what did you buy?" I vaguely remembered seeing a shopping bag by the door but I couldn't tell where it was from.

"Same thing I always buy," the bluenette laughed, "new underwear. I tried on some jeans too but couldn't find a pair I liked. Oh and before you even think of it, no I will not be modeling my new undies for you." I immediately began to pout; _Natsuki really does know me too well. I didn't even get to make the suggestion and cause her to blush. _"Oh come on, don't give me that face. You know you'll see them eventually" she rolled her eyes before placing a kiss against my cheek.

This was true; Natsuki really wasn't a fan of wearing pants to bed. "Ok fine," I sighed.

"Besides," the younger girl sat up, "you promised you'd answer all my questions, and you can start by explaining to me why you're so afraid of your father."

**so i'm super sorry it ends in like a cliffhanger. i hate ending chapters like this but if i kept going it'd go on forever and this chapter already took my three days and yeah. **

**anyway please review cause i need some motivation. i feel like i'm stuck in a writing rut.**


	14. Chapter 14

**ok before anything thank you guys so much for the kind reviews. i'm so flattered like you have no idea how much those mean to me. i'm not sure this chapter would have come out without them. i really hope you all like this chapter it kind of just spilled out from me**

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"But Natsuki I just got home, I'm tired," Shizuru whined.

"Zuru… if we're going to be in a relationship I need to know about your family. Just try to tell me as much as you can but if it gets to the point where you really can't handle talking about it we'll stop," I sighed and wrapped my arms around the girl. "It'll be ok. Just trust me."

It took a few minutes but she finally agreed. "My father hates me."

"Why?"

"He's always hated me," Shizuru nuzzled her face into my shoulder, as if hiding somehow made this easier on her. "Ever since I was a little kid… He didn't even want me to be born; he already had his perfect daughter. I was just the result of a drunken night and an attempt to save my parents relationship. When my father found out my mother was pregnant he wasn't very happy. The only reason they kept me was because my grandmother made them… and because there was a chance I would be a boy."

"That's so terrible," I felt my heart clench as I subconsciously held the girl tighter.

"That's not even the worst part" she laughed darkly. "After I was born my parents decided that they were much too busy to raise children. They sent Crystal off to daycare, and filled her life with lessons for various interests. She's played every sport, learned every instrument, she's done everything simply to fill the time where our parents didn't want to be around. But I was just a baby… someone needed to stay home with me; so my grandma had to move in. She always use to tell me that she didn't mind, and that she was so thrilled to have a little girl around. She had all sons and she and Crystal never really bonded." The blonde sighed heavily before continuing, "As soon as I was old enough, mother and father tried to get me on the same path as Crystal. I didn't want that life though; I wanted to be with my grandma. I use to get kicked out of every activity they tried to put me in. Sometimes it would take longer than others but I would never stay too long. Things got worse as I got older… eventually instead of just ignoring me, my father would yell at me all the time. We'd sit at the dinner table and he would yell and scream until I would start crying. He'd call me names… tell me I was worthless… so many horrible things. It didn't help that Crystal was always on his side. Because he hated me, so did she. If it wasn't him tormenting me, it was her."

I didn't know what to say. I don't think I've ever been so furious. She was his child… how could he treat her like that? How could anyone treat their child like that?

"There's more if you want to hear it…" Shizuru finally offered after she became too impatient for a response. I simply nodded, still trying to take it all in. "After… after my grandma passed away things got worse. I was so sad all the time… I use to lock myself in my room for days at a time. They sent me to therapy but it never helped. My mother hates me too. She picks on me constantly… she tells me I'm too fat… that my legs are too big… She hates my skin, my hair, everything about me. She's always been so critical of everything I do. And she constantly pressures me to get close to the son of one of my father's business associates. She keeps telling me that I need to settle down with him or I'm going to die alone."

"Do they… do your parents know that you're…" I felt shy asking and I could feel my face turning red.

"That I'm gay?" she finished. "Well I told them… doesn't mean they believe it. That's probably why my mother is always forcing that guy on me. That therapist they force me to go to keeps telling them he can 'fix me'. I don't need 'fixing', I'm not broken." Shizuru seemed to be getting angry. "You know what my father did when I told him? He told me to hold out my hand, and when I refused he simply grabbed my arm. It hurt too but that wasn't the worst of it. After he grabbed me he took his lit cigar and pressed it into my fucking wrist." Hearing Shizuru so upset that she was cursing was actually terrifying. She held her wrist out showing the pale scar. "Remember when I had the bandage two years ago, and I told you I fell and sprained my wrist? Well that was just a lie father made me tell anyone who asked, really I was just hiding the burn mark," angry tears were now falling from the girl's eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I was shaking with rage, and I vowed never to leave Shizuru alone here ever again. I couldn't tell which one of us was more upset. My fists were clenched so tightly that my knuckles were bone white, and Shizuru was now sobbing into my chest.

"I'm sorry," she finally broke the silence that had once again formed. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Please don't be mad at me… I'm sorry."

"Shizuru it's ok. Please don't cry." I tried my best to calm the girl down but I felt helpless. I was so upset with myself. I should have been there all those times before. "Sh it's ok," I tried again.

"No you don't understand," Shizuru tangled her fingers into her hair as she spoke. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Fathers going to be mad at me… I'm going to get in trouble." At this point she was beginning to hyperventilate.

"It's going to be ok." I reached up to hold the girls face in my hands, "I'll protect you. I love you. Shizuru I love you so much. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"What did you say?" she asked, finally calming down.

"I love you" I repeated, my face lighting up with crimson.

The blonde looked stunned, "You're not just saying that because of what I told you?"

I shook my head, "no I'm not. I really love you. I love you so much it hurt. You drive me crazy… I've just been scared to say it. I've never been in love before; I don't know how these kind of things work… but I do love you."

"Natsuki…" she barely whispered, throwing her arms around me. "I love you too. I love you more than anything. She pulled back and began covering my face in kisses.

"I'm sorry I just blurted it out like this. I meant to tell you in a better way but it just slipped out."

"No don't say that; it doesn't matter how you said it, all that matters is that you said it" Shizuru assured me in between kisses. "I'm so happy."

"We still have more to talk about… but for now let's just enjoy this moment ok?" I finally sighed. "Why don't we just watch a movie and cuddle for a little while. We can talk tomorrow."

"Are you sure? If Natsuki still has things she wants to talk about we can do that." The girl sniffled a bit as she finally stopped kissing me.

"I'm sure. I know how hard it was for you to tell me those things. It's been such a long week, and I think we deserve some time to just enjoy being together."

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**ok so i know it's kind of short but alot happened so i feel like maybe that makes up for it? also please don't hate me for giving shizuru such a tragic background, i couldn't help it. but hey at least now she has natsuki 3**

**anyway please remember to review.  
also it's like 4 am so if there were some dumb grammar errors i'm sorry.**


	15. Chapter 15

**once again i would like to thank everyone for their reviews. they mean so much to me. and it's nice to see some familiar user names and to know that you're still interested :]**

**ok so i am so sorry but this chapter is another sad chapter. also i'd like to slap a trigger warning on here too.  
but really i feel terrible for updating slowing then giving this totally sad chap. also this chap is to parts because if i just wrote shizuru's perspective it would be super short. but it's marked where it changes perspective**

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**part one: Shizuru's perspective:**

I jolted awake in a panic, and it took me a few minutes to figure out where I was. My heart is racing and my shallow breaths aren't enough to fill my lungs. I looked over to see Natsuki sitting on the floor, with some sort of book on her lap. "Bad dream?" She asks.

I don't remember falling asleep but I guess I must have. I nodded in response to the girls question as I collected my thoughts. "I don't remember…" I finally spoke. The memory of my nightmare was almost too fuzzy to read, but I knew what it was. It was always the same dream. In the beginning I would be a child again, and I would start running, running as fast as I could. I would call out for my grandma, happily at first but then anxiously when I would get no response. Then I'd begin to cry and starting to call out to Natsuki. I would cry and cry but no one would answer. Slowly the voices of my father, mother, and sister would begin to ring in my ears. By the end of the dream they were screaming and I would wake up terrified.

"Are you ok?" Natsuki frowned.

"Yeah, it was only a dream after all." I sighed feeling a little relieved, _that's right. It was only a dream. _"What're you reading?"

"Oh, it's your family photo album" she replied sheepishly, "I know I should have asked first but I got impatient. Besides, you got to look at the photos my dad sent me."

"Uhg don't look through that, I was such an ugly kid" I groaned.

She looked up at me with wide eyes as I sat down beside her, "What? You were like the cutest little kid ever," she flashed me a broad smile before pointing to one of the pictures on the page in front of us. "Look at that little face, with the missing front teeth and the skinned knee," She giggled.

I looked down at the picture, I remember when it was taken, "That was from the summer before elementary school," I explained. "It was the last summer I spend with my grandma without having any other commitments. And that skinned knee is from when Gram took me to the beach, I was so excited I ran out into the parking lot and tripped."

"Hm," the bluenette tilted her head as she turned her attention back to the photo album, "I can't imagine you being a clumsy little kid. What about this picture?" She pointed to another imagine, this one was of a six year old Crystal with short choppy hair and scowling at the camera; and a three year old me, standing proudly beside her, clutching a teddy bear.

"Somehow I knew you'd ask about that one next," I smiled. "That was before Crystal was… well as bad as she is now. From what grandma told me, I guess that she was picking on me so I put gum in her hair."

Natsuki burst into laughter, "oh my god that's hilarious."

"Yeah I really got her good that time… but when my parents found out I got in quite a bit of trouble"

An awkward silence fell over the both of us as Natsuki wordlessly flipped through the rest of the photo album. When she was finished she closed the book, placed it on the floor, and leaned against me. "Hey Shizuru… can I ask you something?".

I sighed before answering, "I suppose so."

"How come all the pictures from after you started middle school are just professional family portraits?"

"Well after my grandma died… there wasn't anyone to take the pictures anymore". I looked down and began playing with my fingers.

It took Natsuki a long time to answer but finally she replied with a simple "oh".

**Part two: Natsuki's perspective**

Shizuru nuzzled her nose against the crook of my neck as we cuddled in bed together. "Zuru that tickles," I giggled as I gave the older girl a playful swat.

"Mhm," she gently began to kiss my neck.

"Ok that tickles less." I said bashfully. As her lips trailed up to my ear I felt myself shutter. _She knows my ear is my sensitive spot. _"w-whatcha doin'?" I stuttered.

"Nothing, I just feel like it's been a long time since I've kissed my Natsuki." She whispered into my ear.

I rolled my eyes, "dork. Let me just get up and pee first and then you can have all the kisses you want." Shizuru groaned dramatically in response. "It'll be two minutes." She frowned. "Ok one minute." I sighed as I got out of bed, "you're so impatient, it's really not going to take me that long to pee."

As I crept back to Shizuru's room someone pushed me against the wall in the hallway. At first in the dark I thought it was Shizuru but soon figured out it was Crystal who had ambushed me. I went to quickly push her away but she was surprising as strong as I was. "Get off," I snarled.

"Aw come on, don't be like that" the girl cooed. I hated how close she was to me; it was literally making me sick. "You know, you're a very beautiful girl and I just can't seem to resist that cute little pout of yours, Nat-su-ki."

I cringed when she tried to say my name the same way Shizuru does. "Well that's very unfortunate because I have no interest in you at all. I- I only have eyes for Shizuru."

"If that's true then why did you stutter? Or are you really just that bashful," her smiled was cat like as she leaned in even closer. I felt like I was going to throw up, I just wanted this girl to get off of me. "I don't know what you see in the little brat anyway. Shizuru was just a mistake my parents made, why would you want her when you could have me?"

This narcissistic bitch was getting on my last nerves. "Don't talk that way about her," I snapped.

"W-what's going on…?" Shizuru's voice timidly made its way from her door frame, which she was practically hiding behind. I hated the way Crystal treated my Shizuru, and I hated the way Shizuru was so terrified of this… this… there's not even a word for people like her.

"Oh it's you," Crystal turned around with disgust, "I was telling Natsuki here about how she really shouldn't be with you. We both know you're not good enough for her."

"Shut up," she defended weakly as I finally pried myself away from the older sister.

"Hm, I wonder if Natsuki would still like you if she knew some of the things you've done." Crystal sneered, "Natsuki, why don't you ask Shizuru why she never has her stomach exposed, I'll give you hint, it isn't for modesty's sake."

"Shut up!" Shizuru repeated, this time louder. "Natsuki wouldn't like you either if she found out why mother and father sent you away." She blurted out before running back into her room in tears.

That was the last straw. I clenched my fist before deciding against that. If I punched her that would just cause more problems for Shizuru… eventually I gave Crystal a rough shove before grabbing the collar of her shirt, "if you ever, and I mean ever, hurt my Shizuru again… I will make it my personal goal to make your life a living hell. Do you understand?"

The older girl smirked at me before answering, "but a life with Natsuki might very well be hell in itself." I felt sick again as I released her and went back to comfort Shizuru; slamming the door behind me.

**Part three: Shizuru's perspective**

I flinched when I heard the door slam and as much as I tried I couldn't stop myself from crying into the pillow I was nearly suffocating myself with.

"Zuru…" Natsuki whispered as she placed a hand on my back.

"I hate her so much," I sobbed. "What did I do to deserve this?" I think I finally snapped. Why did Crystal have to bring that up?

"You didn't do anything to deserve this… I promised I wasn't going to let anyone hurt you anymore, but I guess I'm not doing that great of a job." Natsuki sighed and waited patiently for me to calm down. "You know... I have to ask…"

I nodded before turning to face her. I lifted the hem of her shirt to reveal the tiger stripe white lines that trailed down from my ribs to my hip on the right side. "Please don't hate me…" I whimpered.

"Shizuru…" she looked heartbroken.

"I'm sorry…" I sniffled.

"Please don't cry anymore," the younger girl tried, though she looked like she was about to cry herself. "I don't hate you. It just makes me sad that you were this unhappy." she reached out to touch the faded scars but drew it back when I flinched. "Are they...were they…" she stuttered, but I knew what she was trying to say.

"They're all old" I explained. "After my grandma died… things weren't so good for me. Father was mad at me all the time and I didn't really like myself. I'm better now… and I know that doing that isn't ok…there's one more by the way."

"the one on your leg?" she asked. I knew she would know what I meant. She had asked about the scar before and I told her I had fallen off my bike when I was younger.

"Yes," I confirmed, "but I didn't do that one… Crystal did. That's why my parents sent her away."

Natsuki was stunned, "what do you mean? She… she cut you?"

"She's supposed to take medicine but when we were younger sometimes she'd forget to take it," I felt numb as I spoke. "She came into my room one night while I was sleeping… she woke me up by screaming in my face. She told me… she told me that if I wanted to cut myself that I should actually have something to cut about. She pushed me down and held me still while placed a knife against my skin. She said 'this won't even hurt, if you can do it to yourself than it shouldn't hurt'. I began crying and screaming for help and eventually our parents came rushing in. They pulled her off of me, but not before she did this," I gestured to her leg. "I don't know why she hates me so much. I don't know why she would do that to me. After that night my parents sent her to a mental hospital. She was there for a few months and when they released her I lost it. I freaked out so badly that my parents sent her to a boarding school. What did they care? It was one less kid they had to worry about yet they still got to keep their punching bag at home." I felt myself begin to shake and soon Natsuki wrapped her arms around me.

For while she just held me, probably unsure of what to say, "I'm sorry," she finally spoke. "I'm so sorry."

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**ok so even though it's kinda sad i hope you guys like it. i had to rewrite it like 3 times x.x**

**also i would like to remind everyone that i do run a blog and at this point i mostly just post about when i'm updating and writing. the link is in my profile if anyone's interested.**

**reviews are appreciated **


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